📍 Hey guys, welcome back to No Silver Spoons. I am Sarah Beth Herman, and today is a little different because we have officially made it to the final episode of season five here at No Silver Spoons, and the final episode of the Human Side of Leadership summer series.

And I have to tell you, when I started putting this series together, I knew I wanted to talk about leadership differently. I didn't wanna spend an entire summer giving you another list of five ways to motivate employees or seven  habits  of successful leaders. You can Google all that. There are thousands of books that will give you a formula.

I wanted to talk about the part of leadership that doesn't really fit neatly into a formula. The people, relationships, the decisions that nobody sees, the conversations you replay after everyone else has gone home. The employees you believed in who disappointed you. The ones you underestimated who surprised you.

The people you tried to save, the people you had to let go. The times you were absolutely certain you were right and eventually you discovered that you weren't And maybe most importantly, I wanted us to spend time talking about the person doing the leading, you. Because there's something I want to leave you with as we close out this entire series.

One day you're going to lead someone for the last time, and there's a very good chance that you won't know when it happens. Think about that. There will be a final meeting, a final phone call, a final Teams message, a final Slack message, a final performance review, a final problem you solve together, a final Tuesday when that person works for you, and you probably won't recognize it as anything significant.

Eventually they'll leave or you'll leave, they'll change careers, the organization will change, life will change, and at some point, your name may come up in a conversation when you aren't there. Someone will ask them about an old job. Someone will ask them about a former boss.

Maybe they'll be leading their own team someday, and somebody will ask where they learned to lead that way, and they're going to tell a story. You don't get to be in the room when they tell it, and that's what I wanna talk about today. What will people remember about the way that you led them? And I don't mean will everybody like you.

We already handled that one. Go back to episode one thirty-six if you need a refresher, because one of the things I wanted you to remember from that conversation is being liked and being a good leader are not the same thing. You can be kind without being permissive. You can be respectful while holding an incredibly high standard. You can care deeply about someone and still tell them their performance isn't acceptable. In fact, some of the decisions people have liked least from me in the moment were probably some of the decisions I'm most comfortable defending today.

So when I ask what people will remember about your leadership, I'm not asking whether everybody is going to tell a glowing story about you, because that isn't leadership. That's reputation management. I'm asking something much bigger. What was it like to be a human being on the other side of your leadership?

question really is the thread that has run through this entire summer. If you started this series with me at episode one thirty-one, you'll remember that I introduced the human side of leadership by talking about something that sounds incredibly simple, but it's very easy to forget when you're running a business.

You are not leading positions, you are leading people. There might be an employee number attached to them, there might be a job description, there might be a production goal, a KPI, a schedule, a salary, an hourly wage, a performance review, an entire HR file, but underneath all of that is actually a person, and underneath your title is one too, and that's why this series could never just be about what employees do wrong.

We had to talk about us too. In episode one thirty-two, Why Smart People Stay Stuck, we talked about something I've watched happen over and over again. Knowing better does not automatically mean we do better. Smart people can stay in bad situations.

Capable people can repeat terrible patterns. Leaders can know exactly what needs to change and still avoid changing it. That episode was an important one for me because sometimes we assume knowledge creates action, but it doesn't. Sometimes the distance between knowing and doing is where the entire problem lives, and I want you to remember that when you're leading somebody.

Before you immediately decide that someone doesn't know what to do, ask whether knowledge is actually the problem because sometimes they know The harder question is why they aren't acting on what they know.

In episode one thirty-three, titled People Don't Leave Jobs Overnight, we talked about something I think every leader needs to hear one more time. People rarely wake up one random morning and suddenly become disengaged. Usually, there was a process. There were little moments, a conversation that didn't happen, something that was tolerated, something somebody stopped bringing up, something they tried to tell you once, twice, maybe three times, and eventually they decided it wasn't worth saying anymore.

By the time someone hands you a resignation, the decision may have been forming long before you knew there was a problem. And if there's one thing I want you to remember from that episode, Pay attention when people stop talking.

Silence can look a lot like peace from the leader's chair. It isn't always peace. Sometimes it's a resignation. Sometimes people stop bringing you problems because the problems have been solved, and sometimes they stop bringing you problems because they've decided you're not going to do anything about them.

Those are two very different organizations. Then we got to episode one thirty-four, The Stories We Tell Ourselves, and there's a line from that episode that I still love. " We don't make decisions based on reality. We make decisions based on the story we've accepted as reality." And I want you to remember that one, because leaders tell themselves stories all day long.

" She doesn't care. He's lazy. They're disrespectful. Nobody appreciates what I do. My team can't handle anything without me. This always happens. They never listen." Sometimes those stories are accurate. Sometimes they are wildly, though, inaccurate. But once we believe them, we start collecting evidence to support them.

So one of the questions I gave you in episode one thirty-four was, "Is this true, or is this simply the story I've been telling myself?" Keep asking yourself that, not just as a leader, as a spouse, a parent, a friend, a business owner, as a human being, because the story you assign to an event can have a much longer life than the event itself.

In episode 135, we talked about the leader your team actually needs. That was our Mr. Beast and Purple Cow conversation, and I love that episode because it challenged this idea that becoming a better leader means learning how to look like somebody else, but it doesn't. One of the ideas I wanted you to carry away from that conversation was consistency beats charisma, and I still believe that.

There are incredibly charismatic leaders that people don't trust, and there are quieter leaders whose teams would follow them anywhere. Your team doesn't need you to perform leadership. They need to know which version of you is going to walk through their door. They need to know whether your standards change with your mood.

They need to know whether the answer they receive on Tuesday will still be the answer on Friday. And as we talked about Seth Godin's Purple Cow idea and the conversation around being remarkable enough to be noticed, I want to remind you why that mattered in a leadership series.

Because I don't want you spending your career becoming a cheaper copy of somebody you admire. Learn from people, study great leaders, read, listen, ask questions, steal good ideas, but eventually you have to lead as yourself. Different is memorable, authenticity is sustainable, and imitation is exhausting, and the people closest to you can tell the difference

Then we met in episode 136 where we talked about the difference between being liked and being respected. That conversation was especially important to me because I lead people across different countries and cultures, and leadership does not land exactly the same way everywhere.

Authority doesn't mean the same thing to everyone. Direct communication doesn't feel the same to everyone. Conflict doesn't feel the same. Silence doesn't mean the same thing. Even what people interpret as respect can be shaped by culture, family, previous leadership experiences, and life experiences, and yet there is still something universal underneath all of it.

People want dignity. Your team may not always like what you say. They may not always like your decision. They may not always like the standard, but they should never have to wonder whether you see them as a human being. That distinction is so important. You can command a room without humiliating the people in it, and I want you to remember that one too

Then we got into integrity, and I told you a story from when I was in my early thirties about a leader who was supposed to be evaluating me while their own decisions had compromised their ability to lead objectively. That experience stayed with me. And not because I expect leaders to be perfect, certainly I am not, but because leadership gives your private decisions public consequences.

There was a line we came back to, "Integrity is who you are when no one is watching," and I want to add something to that as we close this season. Eventually, somebody usually is watching. Maybe not the moment you make the decision, but people see patterns. They see what you tolerate. They see what rules apply to some people but somehow don't apply to others.

They see favoritism. They see inconsistency. They see when the values on the wall are different from the values in the hallway, and they also see the good things. They see when you take responsibility. They see when you protect confidential information. They see when you refuse to participate in gossip.

They see when you make the harder decision because it was the right decision. They see when you could take credit, and instead, you gave it away That becomes part of the story people will eventually tell about you And then we got to episode one thirty-eight. That one was personal because I have tried to save employees.

I've hired family, I've hired people I worked with somewhere else because I was convinced that if they worked for me, everything would be different. Sometimes I saw so much potential in somebody that I kept giving chances long after the evidence told me I should stop. And there's one sentence from that episode that I absolutely want you to remember.

" Seeing potential in someone does not obligate them to do something with it."  Write that one down if you need to. Rewind this for just a second and write it down. You can believe in somebody. You can train them, coach them, give them resources, give them another opportunity, have the difficult conversation, give grace, give support.

But at some point, they have to participate in their own growth. And there was one more line from that conversation. " Consequences don't disappear just because a leader removes them. Most of the time, they transfer to somebody else." And that might be one of the most important things I've said this entire season.

Because when you constantly rescue one employee, somebody else usually pays for it. Your high performer stays late. Your reliable employee picks up the work. Your strongest manager has another conversation. The person who always says yes gets another task, and suddenly what you thought was compassion toward one person has become unfairness toward everybody else.

That is part of your leadership legacy too. Your best people are watching what you tolerate And then I asked you the question I knew we had to ask in episode one thirty-nine. We turned the mirror around. What if you're the problem? I didn't ask that because leaders are responsible for every problem because they're not.

I asked because there comes a point where mature leadership requires enough self-awareness to consider your own contribution. And the question I gave you was, what am I doing, allowing, rewarding, avoiding, or failing to communicate that might be helping this continue? I want you to keep that question.

Seriously,  put it somewhere. Because it can save you years of trying to fix everybody around you while never examining the one variable that follows you into every room: when I look back over this entire series, I realize something.

We have spent a lot of time talking about moments that probably seemed insignificant when they happened A conversation, a correction, an assumption, a boundary, a decision, an apology, a standard, a second chance, a consequence, a moment where you chose to listen instead of speak. None of those things feel like a leadership legacy while you're doing them.

But that's exactly how a leadership legacy does get built. It is rarely built in the keynote speech. It is built though on an ordinary Tuesday, and there is research behind why those ordinary interactions matter. leadership research has consistently connected the quality of the relationship between leaders and employees with outcomes like job satisfaction, organizational commitment, and performance. Research on emotional intelligence has also found meaningful relationships between emotionally intelligent leadership and leadership effectiveness.

And I think sometimes we hear research like that, and we translate it into business language far too quickly. Productivity, retention, performance, engagement. Those things matter. I run many companies. Of course, they matter. But there is another side to it. Work occupies an enormous portion of people's waking lives, which means when you lead someone, you are entering a chapter of their life, maybe for six months, maybe for twenty years, and you have no idea which interaction with you is going to stick.

They may remember something that you forgot. You may completely forget the Tuesday an employee came into your office terrified because they made a mistake. They might remember exactly what you said. You might forget that someone told you their family was struggling, and you told them to go home. They might remember that forever.

You might barely remember telling someone, " I think you're ready." Twenty years later, they may still remember who first believed they were. And unfortunately, the opposite is true. You may make a dismissive comment and forget it five minutes later, and they carry it for five years.

That doesn't mean leaders should become terrified of speaking. Please don't hear me saying that. You are going to get things wrong. I have, and I will continue. You are going to have bad days. I have, and I will continue. You are going to say something poorly. I have, and I will continue. You are going to make a decision that you later realize you would have handled differently.

Absolutely. The goal is not perfection. The goal is awareness. And when awareness tells you that you got something wrong, fix what you can. Apologize, own it, change. That may become part of the story too, as sometimes the thing somebody remembers most about a leader isn't that the leader made a mistake, it's that the leader was secure enough to admit it.

You don't get to write the entire story. Here's the other side of this. You cannot control what everybody says about you, and please don't spend your leadership career trying. Somebody is going to misunderstand you. Somebody is going to dislike a decision that was necessary. Somebody may tell a story about your leadership that you don't recognize at all.

Two employees can work for the same leader during the same year and leave with completely different experiences. That is humanity So the question isn't, will everyone remember me positively? That's impossible. The better question is, did I lead in a way I can defend when nobody is applauding? Was I fair?

Was I clear? Did I tell people the truth? Did I protect what was confidential? Did I address problems instead of allowing resentment to grow? Did I give people the tools they needed? Did I hold people accountable? Did I listen? Did I change when I learned something? Did I allow talented people to become bigger than the position I originally hired them for?

Did I make decisions because they were right or because they were easier? Those are questions worth asking. Before we finish this series, I also want to recognize the company that has sponsored the human side of leadership all summer, Dentistry Support. And this series is deeply connected to what we believe there.

Because Dentistry Support may provide remote dental office support, but underneath the eligibility verification, dental billing and AR, phones, help desk, systems, and workflows, there are people. Dental practices don't just need more people doing more tasks. They need the right systems, clear accountability, and support that actually removes pressure from the people inside the practice, and that is what we work to build every day.

And throughout this series, we have also been publishing free training through Dentistry Support to take many of the leadership conversations specifically into the dental practice. So if you've been listening all summer and you're in dentistry, go to dentristysupport.com/freetraining and check out our free training library.

There is a lot there that you can actually take back to your office and use with your team. Dentistry Support has sponsored this entire summer series, and I'm incredibly proud of that because leadership and operations cannot really be separated. Great systems support people, great people strengthen teams, and great leaders understand that you need both.

Before we close this season, I want you to do something. This is our final challenge of the human side of leadership, and I don't want you to make it complicated. I want you to write these three sentences somewhere. When people work with me, I hope they felt blank. Then, because I led them, I hope they become blank.

And finally, when they tell the story of my leadership years from now, I hope they can honestly say blank. Don't write what sounds impressive. Write what you actually want to be true. Then I want you to do something that might be a little uncomfortable. Look at the last seven days, not the leader you plan to become, not the leader you were during your best year, not your mission statement, last week.

Look at your calendar, your emails, your messages, your meetings, your reactions, your corrections, your decisions, the way you spoke when something went wrong, the way you behaved when nobody needed anything from you, the employee you avoided, the conversation you had, the conversation you should have had, and ask yourself, if somebody had only the last seven days of my leadership as evidence, would they fill in those three blanks the same way I just did?

That's your work. Not because you're failing, because you're still leading. The last thing I want you to remember. If I could leave you with only a handful of things from this entire summer, it would be these. People don't usually leave jobs overnight. Pay attention before the resignation. The story you have accepted as reality may not actually be reality.

Question it. Consistency beats charisma. You do not need everyone to like you in order to lead well. Integrity matters most when there is no audience. Seeing potential in someone does not obligate them to do something with it. Consequences don't disappear when you remove them. They transfer. And when the same problem keeps appearing, have enough courage to ask, what if part of the problem is me?

But above all those, remember this. There is a human being on the other side of your leadership, and that has been the point of this entire series When I started the Human Side of Leadership this summer, I didn't wanna give you another leadership formula. There are enough of those. I wanted us to talk about the parts of leadership that don't fit neatly into an organizational chart, people, and that includes you.

So as we officially close season five of No Silver Spoons, thank you. Thank you for spending this summer with me. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing these episodes. Thank you to those of you who sent an episode to a friend, a colleague, your leadership team, or somebody you thought needed to hear it.

And especially thank you for being willing to sit with some questions this summer that didn't always have comfortable answers. Because I don't think leadership grows very much when all we do is ask ourselves questions we already know the answer to. This is officially the end of the Human Side of Leadership summer series, and it is officially the end of season five, but it is definitely not the end of No Silver Spoons, because now we're changing gears.

Season six is next. When we come back with episode one forty-one, it will officially be the beginning of season six. But episode one forty-one is going to be just slightly different. I'm not jumping straight into our first topic. I wanna spend that episode with you first. I'm going to introduce season six, tell you exactly where we're going, why we're going there, and what I'm thinking about right now as a CEO and business owner, and what I think leaders should be thinking about as we move into the final stretch of twenty twenty-six and start positioning ourselves for twenty twenty-seven.

Because we've spent the summer looking inward. Now we're going to start looking forward, and season six is going to get practical. We're talking strategy, execution, growth, operations, decision-making, finishing well, building what comes next, and what leaders actually need to be doing when the calendar starts running out, but the goals haven't disappeared.

So episode one forty-one is our season six introduction, and then episode one forty-two, we're gonna dive right in. Season five asked, "Who are you as a leader?" And season six is going to start asking, "Now, what are you going to build with that leadership?" And I am ready for that conversation

Lead today in a way that makes the story worth telling. I'm Sarah Beth Herman, and this has been season five of No Silver Spoons and the Human Side of Leadership summer series. I'll catch you all in episode  📍 141 for the beginning of season six. I'll see you next season