📍 Welcome back to No Silver Spoons. I'm Sarah Beth Herman, and if you've been listening for a while, first of all, thanks.

One hundred and thirty episodes later, it still amazes me that people continue to come back every week and spend part of their day with me. That means more to me than you probably realize, and if you're new here, welcome. One thing you'll learn pretty quickly is that this isn't a podcast where I claim to have all the answers, because I don't.

And I don't think anyone really does. Some weeks we talk about dentistry, and some weeks we talk about business, sometimes leadership, neuroscience, entrepreneurship. Sometimes we end up talking about all of them in the same episode because in my experience, they all overlap more than people realize. The reason I started No Silver Spoons wasn't because I wanted another platform.

I started it because I wanted a place where we could think together. One thing I hope never happens because of this podcast is that someone starts believing something simply because I said it. Please don't do that. Seriously. I want you to question me.

I want you to disagree with me. I want you to go read something from someone else who sees the world completely different. Then you decide what you believe. I think one of the greatest responsibilities we have is learning how to think critically instead of borrowing someone else's certainty. And I say that because I've spent years doing exactly what many of you have probably done.

I've bought the books, I've listened to the podcasts, I've attended the conferences, I've hired the coaches, I've joined the masterminds, I've sat in rooms with people who built businesses far larger than mine. I've listened to people who absolutely inspired me. I've also listened to people who promised the world.

If you've been in business long enough, you've probably seen that too. Someone tells you they've cracked the code, they've got the blueprint, they have a seven-step formula, the secret that nobody else knows. Just buy the course, join the program, follow the system, and success is supposedly waiting on the other side.

I don't actually believe that anymore. And not because those people don't have anything valuable to teach. Many of them absolutely do. I've learned from people all over the world. I've learned from people I'll probably never meet. I've learned from people whose businesses were ten times larger than mine.

I've learned from employees, clients, friends, competitors, authors, even people I disagree with And after all that, here's what I've realized. Nobody handed me the business I have today. Nobody handed me the leadership skills I have today. Nobody handed me Dentistry Support, Dentistry Support Academy, No Silver Spoons Podcast, my mentor programs, my speaking engagements.

Nobody handed me the lessons that came with building multiple companies simultaneously. People gave me pieces, though, but that's all they gave me. One author challenged the way I thought about leadership. Another one taught me something about communication. I had a client that forced me to rethink all of my processes, and actually, that's happened a lot.

Sometimes it feels like admitting defeat. Sometimes it feels like admitting you've wasted time, money, or years believing something that may not have been true. Daniel Kahneman, he spent decades studying human judgment, decision-making. He wrote something that I guess you could say stopped me in my tracks maybe.

He said, "We can be blind to the obvious, and we are also blind to our blindness." I read that sentence three or four times, and I actually wanna say it a couple more times to you. " We can be blind to the obvious, and we are also blind to our blindness. We can be blind to the obvious, and we are also blind to our blindness."

I realized he wasn't talking about intelligence. He was talking about being human. Every single one of us has blind spots, including me, including you. And that is when a thought hit me that I haven't been able to shake. Maybe people don't resist information because it's wrong.

Maybe they resist it because accepting it would require changing something much deeper. And that's where I wanna go because I don't think the brain spends nearly as much time asking, "Is that true?" as it does asking something far more personal: " Does this fit the story I've already been telling myself?"

You know what made me finally stop and really think about this? It wasn't one article, it wasn't one book, it wasn't one conversation. It was realizing I kept seeing the same thing happen in completely different places. I'd see it in a dental office, then I'd see it in one of my own companies, then I'd see it sitting across the dinner table from someone I cared about.

Then I'd catch myself doing it. Different people, different circumstances, exactly the same pattern. Someone presents information, the other person immediately starts defending the way they already believe. Not listening, not asking questions or becoming curious, defending. And before you think I'm talking about other people, I'm not, because I've done it, too.

I remember reading something several years ago that completely challenged how I thought about leadership. And my first reaction wasn't curiosity, it was actually just complete resistance. I started mentally arguing with the author before I'd even finished the chapter. Have you ever caught yourself doing that?

Like you're halfway through listening to someone and your brain isn't actually listening anymore? You're already preparing your response, you're collecting evidence, you're building your argument. You're trying to prove why your perspective is still the right one. Yeah, me too. I've done it. And when I finally caught myself, I remember thinking, " That's really interesting.

Why am I so uncomfortable with this idea?" Not because I thought it was wrong, but part of me wondered if it might actually be right, and that's a really different feeling. Like, the more I paid attention to that reaction, the more I realized something, that being wrong feels expensive. Not financially, just like emotionally.

If I've believed something for ten years, if I've built systems around it, if I've defended it, if I've taught it, then changing my mind feels like admitting all of that was wasted. That's a hard thing for anyone to do. I don't think we're naturally wired to enjoy that feeling. When I started reading more about behavioral psychology, I came across a concept called cognitive dissonance.

You might have heard of it, you might not have. It's the psychological discomfort we experience when new information conflicts with beliefs we've already accepted as true. So think about that for a minute.

Discomfort. Not curiosity, but discomfort. That helped explain something I'd been seeing in dentistry for years. A patient comes in, the doctor explains why treatment is needed, the patient nods, they ask good questions. Sometimes they even seem engaged They walk out, they never schedule.

For years, people have tried to explain that by saying they didn't understand, and maybe sometimes that's true. Sometimes it isn't, though. Sometimes they understood it perfectly. They just weren't ready to rearrange the story they'd already been telling themselves. Maybe the story was, "I've always had bad experiences at the dentist," or, "Healthcare providers always recommend more than they actually need," or, "Healthcare providers always recommend more than I actually need," or, "I can spend my money on myself right now," or, "I can't spend money on myself right now."

Notice something. None of these stories begin in your operatory. They were already there long before your practice even entered the picture. And once I realized that part, it completely changed the way I looked at communication because I stopped thinking my job was to convince people, and instead I started wondering, "How do we create enough trust that someone feels safe enough to reconsider what they've believed?"

That's a different question, right? And honestly, it's not just a question for dentists. It's a question for parents, for spouses, for CEOs, for leaders, for anyone who's ever tried to influence another human being, and here's why that hits home for me. As leaders, we often assume that if we communicate clearly enough, people will naturally get on board.

I am so guilty of that. I've spent hours explaining a new process. I-I've answered every question. I think that I've had conversations where I really thought I covered every possible concern. Then I'd walk away wondering why half the team was still hesitant. And at first, I assumed I hadn't explained it well enough.

. Now I'm not so sure that's the case, and maybe that's because the issue wasn't clarity. Maybe the issue was certainty. And think about the last major decision you made: buying a home, changing careers, starting a business, hiring someone, ending a relationship, selling a company. Did you have every answer before you made that decision?

Probably not. I know I didn't. Most of the meaningful decisions in my life came with uncertainty attached to them. I had enough information to move, not enough information to eliminate every fear. There's a difference, right? And I think we ask our patients, our teams, and sometimes even ourselves to do something that's impossible.

We ask for certainty in situations where certainty simply just doesn't exist. I've never built a business with certainty. I've never hired someone with certainty. I've never launched a new service with certainty. I never stood on a stage and known exactly how people would respond or receive what I had to say.

And if I had waited until I was one hundred percent sure, Dentistry Support, my largest company, it wouldn't exist. My online school wouldn't exist. This podcast wouldn't exist. I wouldn't be on stages. I wouldn't be mentoring multiple six, seven, and eight-figure business owners. I wouldn't be coaching and working as a fractional CEO and a fractional CFO and a fractional CMO.

I wouldn't have any of those roles for any of the companies I engage with. I wouldn't have hired over seven hundred people. I wouldn't have worked with over three hundred organizations Most of the opportunities I've been grateful for never would've happened because certainty isn't usually the prerequisite for growth.

It's often the reward that comes after you've taken the first step, and that's when everything finally clicks for me. The brain isn't asking, " Is Sarah Beth right?" It isn't asking, "Is my dentist right?" It isn't asking, "Is this consultant right?" It's asking something much older than that, something much more instinctive: " Am I safe if I believe this?"

That's a completely different question. And once I started looking through that lens, so many conversations that used to frustrate me suddenly made sense, and not because people had changed, but because my perspective had Y- you know what's interesting? The more I've learned about neuroscience, the less interested I've become in winning arguments.

And that's probably not what you'd expect me to say, because for a long time, I thought if I could explain something well enough, people would naturally understand it. I still find myself going there. Like, if I communicate better, if I have enough evidence, if I answered every objection, if I had enough experience, then people would just eventually come around.

Sometimes they did, sometimes they do. It fascinates me versus frustrating me because I don't think people are nearly as resistant as we make them out to be. I think they're protective. They're protecting experiences they've had. They're protecting beliefs that they've built.

And sometimes they're protecting their pride, and they're protecting their fear, and they're protecting an identity they've spent years creating. And before we're too hard on someone else, it's probably worth asking ourselves, "What am I protecting? What belief have I held onto simply because I've held it for a long time?

What opinions have I defended because changing it would be uncomfortable? What assumptions am I making today that five years from now I'll probably laugh about?" Those questions have become much more valuable to me than trying to prove a point. One of the reasons I enjoy reading so much is because every now and then, I'll come across an idea that unsettles me a little bit.

Not because it's offensive, but because it challenges me. I've learned not to run from that feeling anymore. I've learned to sit with it, to ask myself why it makes me so uncomfortable. Sometimes I finish reading and I decide I still disagree, and that's okay, and sometimes I do change my mind, and that's okay too.

Growth doesn't require agreement. It just requires humility, and humility is becoming harder to find, especially today. We've created this culture where changing your mind almost feels like a weakness, but I don't see it that way. I think changing your mind after you've learned something new is one of the strongest things a person can do.

It tells me you're paying attention. It tells me you're still learning. It tells me your identity isn't so fragile that it depends on always being the smartest person in the room. I've met brilliant people who couldn't change their minds. I've met people with very little formal education who were endlessly curious.

Give me curiosity every single time. Curious people ask better questions. They become better leaders, better spouses, parents, business owners, listeners. Curiosity, it leaves room for growth, but certainty often doesn't You know, the title of this episode is The Brain Doesn't Care That You're Right. You know why?

I don't mean that your brain is incapable of logic. Far from it. Logic matters and evidence matters and truth matters, but before the brain ever decides whether something is logical, it's quietly evaluating something much older. Does this fit the story I already believe about myself? Does this threaten who I think I am?

Does accepting this require me to admit I've been wrong? Is it safe? That's a question I don't think enough of us ask because if you can understand what someone is trying to protect, you'll communicate differently. You'll lead differently. You'll parent differently. You'll negotiate differently. You'll build relationships differently.

You'll even look at your parents differently, your patients differently, your kids differently, your colleagues differently. So instead of asking, " Why won't they just listen?" You may find yourself asking, " What might they be protecting?" And that's a much more compassionate question. And in my experience, compassionate questions usually lead to better conversations than confident answers.

Now, before we wrap up this episode, I wanna let you know where we are headed. Over the last several months, I've been collecting ideas, some from dentistry, some from neuroscience, some from business, some from conversations that have challenged the way I think. And I've decided I don't want to squeeze those into random episodes anymore.

So beginning next week, we're kicking off something special. I'm calling it my End of Summer Series, and for the next 10 episodes, we're going to explore psychology behind leadership, decision-making, trust communication, change, burnout, systems, patient behavior, team culture, and the invisible patterns that shape the way we work and live.

And you may have heard of some of these topics before. You might be excited about them. You might think they are burnt out, that they're overused and over-discussed. But I promise I have a different perspective, and I've been working hard on this, and I know you're gonna love it. And if today's conversation made you stop and think at any point, I have a feeling you're gonna love this series, because every episode is built around one question that has fascinated me for years: Why do people do what they do?

And not from a place of judgment, from a place of true, genuine curiosity. And if we can understand that just a little bit better, I honestly believe we'll become better leaders, better communicators, and better human beings. Before I let you go, you know what time it is. It's time for our that's good moment.

If there's one thing I'd love for you to take away from today's conversation, it's this: Stop assuming that more information is always the answer. Sometimes it is. Many times it isn't. People don't always need another explanation. Sometimes they need enough trust to consider a different perspective. And for me, that's really good.

The second thing I'd like to leave you with is this: Don't build your life around finding one person who's going to hand you every answer. I've never met that person. I've met people who've changed the way I think, people who've challenged me, people who've inspired me. I've met people who showed me exactly what I didn't wanna become, and every one of them added something to my journey.

None of them walked it for me, though. And finally, stay curious. Not because curiosity makes you interesting, but because curiosity keeps you growing. The moment we become convinced we've got everything figured out is usually the moment we stop learning, and I don't want that for myself, and I certainly don't want that for this community.

So this week, I wanna leave you with one challenge. Pay attention to the next conversation where someone disagrees with you. Maybe it's at work, maybe it's your spouse, a patient, a team member, a colleague. Before you decide how you're going to respond, pause for just a second and ask yourself, "What might they be protecting?"

You don't have to agree with them. You don't have to change your mind. I just want you to become curious. You may be surprised by what you discover. Thank you for spending part of your day with me. If this episode challenged your thinking, share it with someone who enjoys good conversations and isn't afraid to wrestle with new ideas.

And if you have been listening to No Silver Spoons for a while, thank you. 130 episodes later, I still don't take a single listener for granted. Until next time, keep thinking, keep growing, keep asking better questions. I'm Sarah Beth Herman, and I 📍 will catch you on the next episode