📍 Somewhere along the way, you stopped treating your role like it mattered. You still show up though. You still do all the work, you still carry all the weight, but somehow the pride, it left the building. Maybe your hair is thrown up because it's faster. Maybe you have wrinkled scrubs because hey, who has time?

Maybe you're walking in already behind. Maybe you're already irritated, maybe you're already bracing for the first fire of the day. Maybe you've repeated the words, not my circus, not my monkeys. And maybe your office feels it. And not because you're failing, but because you're holding back.  Leadership does not disappear in one big moment.

It fades slowly when capable women start showing up like they are just trying to get through the day instead of remembering who they are. Today, I wanna talk about what it means to show up again, not to perform, not to pretend, but just to show up with presence, with intention, with pride, with a standard.

Let me ground this in who I am because I did not learn this message from confidence alone. I learned it through my own growth, through pressure, and through seasons where I did not value myself the way that I should have. I am Sarah Beth Herman and I have led teams for decades. I have built five brands from the ground up earning multiple six, seven, and eight figure businesses.

And I've worked in roles that required a lot of me, and I will tell you honestly, valuing myself has not always come naturally. I remember in my early twenties, I was working for a bank at the time, still dabbling in dental, but, working in a bank full-time. I was trying to prove that I belonged and a woman I worked with, someone I respected.

She pulled me aside one day and she said, Sarah, Beth, I've noticed that you haven't been wearing makeup lately. Is everything okay?

She was not being rude, she was not criticizing me, but she was noticing something had shifted.  Now maybe you're thinking that is so disrespectful, that is so rude that someone would ever say that to someone , and maybe at the time, part of me. Might've agreed with you, but knowing who I am today and how far I've grown as an individual and a professional, and someone who inspires people constantly, I had to allow that moment to actually stay with me.

I had to,  and not because anyone owes the world a polished version of themselves in any form. But because how we show up often reflects how we feel about ourselves. Makeup is not about hiding. It's not about approval. It's about choosing yourself. It's about, I guess you could say one of the many ways we are telling ourselves I matter enough to try, and that's the heart of what I want for you.

Not makeup, not a look, but a relationship with yourself that says. I am worth care. I am worth effort.

Welcome back to No Silver Spoons. I am Sarah Beth Herman, and today we're gonna talk about presence, pride, standards, self-respect, the kind that changes, how you lead and how your team responds to you. This is not going to be the standard. Cute little try your best conversation. This is going to be a little bit more real than that.

Because you were not meant to shrink in this role you have right now.

I'm gonna tell you another story. Several years after this very conversation, I worked in a pediatric dental practice and I grew up not having many items of clothing. In fact, I only had two outfits until I was about in high school.

When I started working for this practice, they told me that they provided uniforms. And I was so excited because for me, I never had much, and having to pick out an outfit is a lot of responsibility for me anyways, because everyone else always looked a lot nicer than me, and I wanted to be able to fit in without having to try so hard.

Uniforms were great when I got those uniforms. I respected them so much I loved. Wearing them. They were just scrubs. They weren't anything super fancy, not some special brand, not some special color, not some special anything that they were just scrubs. Oftentimes I would see other people come into the office and quite literally, their scrubs looked like they just pulled them out of the dryer or they just pulled them outta the hamper, or they were still dirty from yesterday.

Every day I ironed my scrubs. I wore a full face of makeup. My hair was done perfectly. If children would walk in the office or what, I guess I should say, when children walked in the office, I would always walk around the counter and get on their level.

 Let's talk about what shrinking actually looks like.

As I remember that very job in that dental office, and the friend of mine, the girl that I call a friend of mine that soaked me so many years ago about not wearing makeup. I wanna be very clear about my message today. Makeup is not required. Your clothes don't have to be a certain brand. Not everyone does all the things that I'm talking about and they still are successful.

All of that is not the point of this episode. The point of this episode is that how we show up externally often reflects what we believe internally. And makeup, hair, getting dressed, ironed clothes. The way we present ourselves it's not about hiding. It's not about being pretty enough. It's not about approval.

It's not about acceptance. It's about choosing yourself. It's one of the many ways we say, I matter enough to try and that's what I want for you. Not a look, not perfection, not some unrealistic standard. I want you to start treating yourself like you matter again. So let's talk about what it looks like to shrink in your role, to shrink in your dental office, to shrink in the job you have right now.

 Shrinking looks like you stop correcting things that you used to correct shrinking. Looks like you avoid hard conversations because you're just too tired. Shrinking looks like you accept attitudes that you used to address. Shrinking. Looks like you lower the standard because nobody else seems to care, so why should you?

But here's what I need you to hear today. When you shrink, you don't just lose yourself. Your team loses their leader because like it or not, you are the thermostat. You set the temperature if you walk in scattered. If you log in and everything is just a mess already, that's how the day goes. If you walk in defeated, the day feels heavy.

If you show up unprepared to a meeting, something feels unsettling. But if you walk in with confidence, if you walk in ready to go, everything settles down just a little bit. This is not about controlling everyone, it's about the influence of presence. There's actually science behind this. And you know, in every episode, I love to bring in science.

I love to bring in other people that confirmed what I think, so that you're not just listening to this podcast. Wondering, lady, where do you get all this information from? Well, I research it. I spend hours upon hours searching and looking for the right things that I wanna talk about.

There's actually this concept, it's called enclothed cognition, and it basically means that what you wear can influence how you think, how you feel, how you perform. Studies have shown that when people dress with intention, they often show improved confidence, improved focus, a higher perceived authority.

Have you ever had an event that you wanted to go to and you were like, oh, I need to get a new outfit, or, I'm going to breakfast with my friend. What am I gonna wear tomorrow? It matters. Think about how you feel when you make that choice. This directly correlates to leadership because leadership requires decision making.

You can be the nicest person in the world, but if you cannot make decisions under pressure, the day will run you. And what's interesting is this, your brain responds to cues when you get dressed up with purpose. When you take care of yourself, your brain gets the message. We are showing up. We are capable, we are ready.

It's not vanity, it's leadership preparation. So let's talk about pride for a second, because some of you here dress up, do your hair, put on makeup, get ready, and you think, that's really shallow lady. Like, what are you talking about? You're actually thinking wrong, and I'm not trying to be rude.

I'm not trying to be.  Ugly to you for your perception of this, but I need you to step back for a second and try to think differently. Tap into the neuroscience, the neuroplasticity of your brain, and think differently. Get uncomfortable for a minute. Pride in your role is not arrogance. Pride is respect.

Pride is stewardship. Pride is treating what you have been given like it matters. And I learned that early because I did not grow up with a lot of clothes. I didn't even have makeup. I didn't even have deodorant when I was 15 years old. I didn't have a closet full of outfits. Had to make two, I had two outfits to my name until I got to high school.

So when I finally got a job at a dental office where scrubs were the uniform and they provided them, I think that's where it shifted for me. Those scrubs, they mattered , and maybe the owner of that business doesn't even know, but I ironed them every single day. And not because anyone asked me to, not because it was required, but because I was so proud.

I was proud to have a job. I was proud to be trusted. I was proud to be in an office where I could grow. I was making $20 an hour, but I'm telling you right now, I treated that job like I was making $50 an hour and not because I was pretending. But because I understood value, I understood responsibility, I understood that showing up like it matters, changes how you carry yourself.

And when you carry yourself differently, people treat you differently, including your team. You see some of you say that you want growth. I see you share it on your Instagram stories. I see you send me the messages, I see you tag me in things. I see you send me emails, I read them all. I look at it all, try to respond to them all.

You want to be promoted, you want to be respected. You want your team to follow you, but you are showing up like you are just trying to survive the shift, not lead the shift. And that's not a character flaw. It's burnout and discouragement. And believe me, I understand, but there is also a moment where you have to make a choice.

Am I going to keep shrinking or am I going to step back into who I am? And I know sometimes the world around you is just so heavy that it doesn't feel possible. Or maybe you have a lot of stuff in life going on, or you're raising babies, and maybe it's just a lot, everything. But leadership requires standards.

Standards with your time, standards, with your energy standards, with your presence. Standards with your appearance in the sense that you respect yourself enough to prepare again, not perfection preparation. Can I say something a little bit on the blunt side?  Stop eating your breakfast at the keyboard, not because breakfast is bad.

Eat your breakfast, take care of your body. But if your day starts with you, rushing, chewing, typing. Half listening, half showing up. You have already trained your nervous system that you are behind before you even begin and you deserve a better start than that. Get up earlier if you have to set a real routine.

I read something a few weeks back and don't quote me on this exactly, but essentially it said that. There was something in common with all these millionaires that had been interviewed for whatever this type of poll was.

And in that analyzing of these millionaires, everybody had one thing in common and that one thing was that they all made their bed every day, and it wasn't the actual act of making their bed. I think it was the routine that they were talking about every day. I make my bed every day. I want to have a clean home.

When my home isn't clean, it's chaos. Maybe you think I am just exhausted. I am raising a family. I have to cook dinner. I have to do X, Y, Z. All those things are true. I believe them. I've been there. I've raised babies. My baby is now moved out and lives on her own, and I'm a grandma now.

I go by Nana just to set the record straight, but I know that there are things I've wasted time on. I know there are moments and tasks I've wasted time on. I know that I've practiced touching things 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 times before I was finished with it when I could have just touched it once.

Get up earlier if you have to. Go to bed earlier if you have to stop watching tv. I don't even remember the last time that I watched an actual show. My husband and I watch football and I love it. It's on Sundays or it's on a Thursday night or whatever. Football season's over. I don't watch shows really. I just don't.

I want to do other things. I want to read a book. I want to make sure my house is tidied up. Sometimes I'll go to bed early on a Friday night. So I can get up early on a Saturday morning just to pick up my house and make sure things are done. Even last night, my husband and I were having a conversation and I was like, you know what?

I'm just gonna get everything straightened up in the house so that tomorrow isn't crazy. And we spent time, he folded the socks, I put the laundry away. He took trash out. He got a bag for things to donate, like we just took care of it together. Give yourself 10 minutes to be human before you become the leader.

And if you're thinking still, I just don't have time. And here's your challenge. You don't need more time. You need a higher standard for how you treat yourself, because the cost of no time shows up all day. It shows up as irritation. It shows up as resentment. It shows up as exhaustion. It shows up as snapping at people you actually care about.

If you didn't know, I work from home. No one sees me, no one checks my outfit. No one cares if my hair's done. No one's watching me, but I still get up and I still get ready and I still show up for me and my clothes are still ironed and cleaned, and because it's what's good for me. Leadership is not situational.

The discipline you practice when no one's watching becomes the confidence you carry when everyone is. And if you want your team to rise to the standard, you have to embody it first. Let me bring this back into the dental office specifically. Most of my listeners here are in the dental world. You are leading people who deal with patients pressure, money schedules, insurance production collection.

Cancellation gaps, clinical tension, back office drama, front office drama. Your front desk team typically gets hit first. Your assistants feel the pace, your hygienist feels, the time pressure, your doctor feels the weight of the business, and you are in the middle. So your presence, it matters.

I've worked in all different sectors of dentistry from pediatrics. Specialty, general dentistry, corporate, private practice. I've never sat behind the counter like a barrier. I've never hid in an office. I went around the counter to talk to patients. I went out to the waiting room to greet people. I taught my team to stop saying.

For Sarah Beth, when they go out to the waiting room to check someone in or to bring someone in the back. I went out there and I was with them. I said hello to the patients. I said hello to my team. I checked in and I checked out every day. I led with warmth and standards, and that is what office managers do best when they are in their power.

You set the tone. You're not being bossy. You don't wanna be mean today. We don't need to be controlling. We need to be steady. And here's where I wanna go just a tad bit deeper as we close out this episode. You cannot lead well when you don't value yourself. You will overwork, you will overgive, you will overcompensate under correct, under communicate, and then you will feel bitter and you won't even know why.

The way you show up each day is connected to the extent to which you are loving you. And I don't mean bubble baths, I don't mean trendy self-care. I mean actual respect. I mean, doing the hard thing, like getting up, preparing, choosing discipline, choosing standards, choosing not to shrink.

In plain words, when you respect yourself, you stop tolerating chaos that is not yours to carry, and that makes you a better leader. Here's a quote I want you to sit with today. Confidence is not, they will like me. Confidence is I will be fine if they don't. That is leadership. You do the right thing, you hold the standard, you show up prepared, you lead steady, and if someone doesn't like it, you'll be fine ' cause you know who you are.

If this episode today stirred something in you, pass it along, send it to the office manager who used to care deeply and now might feel a little bit drained. Might even look at too, send it to your assistant who's capable, but has stopped trying. Send it to your front desk team who's acting like she doesn't matter anymore.

Sometimes people don't need a training. Sometimes they just need a quick reminder. As you walk back into your work today, I want you to know that you don't have to figure leadership out alone. Part of my work today is mentoring leaders who are ready to grow, scale, and lead with clarity. I mentor small business owners, dental leaders, and people building something real who want to stop surviving and start building with intention.

I also do virtual intensive training and SOP creation for dental practices because strong leadership gets easier when systems are solid. My team at Dentistry support handles dental practices every day through billing, insurance, eligibility verification, and phones. We do the real human support thing.

And we help offices run steady. I also produce and create podcasts, and if you're a business owner who wants to build your voice and grow your brand that way, I'd love that lane too. I've built five brands by staying curious, choosing growth, and letting myself step into the new comfort zones, even TikTok.

And yes, I enjoy it. It's fun. It stretches me. And honestly, I like the idea of getting paid there too. I like adding things to my life that grow me, encourage me, and keep me expanding. Last year, my companies were crowned the winner of the 2025 Torch Award for Ethics from the Better Business Bureau. We didn't get there by shrinking.

I'm grateful every day for that title and the team that allowed us to get there. So, if you're ready for mentorship, support, scaling, leadership growth, or you want help building something that actually supports your life. You can find me and my work right here in the show notes. You can step into that next level when you're ready.

Every episode I always bring in our that's good moment. So, there's three things I want you taking with you today. Shrinking is not required. You are allowed to take up space in your role and lead like you belong there. Preparation is self-respect in action, not perfection. Preparation. The way you show up sets the ceiling for the standard around you.

And lastly, you are trusted for a reason. Lead from that place the office is watching and they need your steadiness. Now go show up like the leader that you already are. All of the information that you may want to know about how we publish this podcast.

You can check the show notes for that information. If you'd like to be a guest on the show, please send in a request. We would love to meet you and interview you on no Silver Spoons podcast. For now, I'm Sarah Beth Herman.  📍 Thank you for joining me today.

I'll catch you on the next episode.