📍 Welcome back. You are listening to No Silver Spoons, and I'm your host, Sarah Beth Herman. Today's episode is one that's been sitting heavy on my heart, and not because it's painful, but because it's real, and I think you've been wanting something like this. Today's episode is one of those topics that's really easy to gloss over when you're out there, hustling, building, scaling, all the things.

Today we're gonna go there because somebody needs to hear this, and I think that that somebody is actually you. And this episode is called When Growth Feels Lonely. If you're a small business owner, a leader, or someone building something that matters. Anything that matters, this is gonna hit home. So, let's get into it.

I was recently on a podcast as a guest and the host, and I were chatting about the Wild Ride of entrepreneurship. You know, those late nights, the endless decisions, the skipping meals, the not able to make plans, all the mind games we play with ourselves. And they said something that stopped me in my tracks.

They said, you know, today I've learned that making six figures in business isn't even important anymore. It's kind of like you don't really matter because you're only making six figures. It's not really impressive. What matters now is hitting seven or eight figures. That's when you really matter, or when you've really made it in business.

I remember sitting across from them, just like blinking looking, thinking like, wait, what? Wow, when? When did this happen? When did it happen that you meant nothing? If you made six figures there are a lot of entrepreneurs out there that would give anything to make six figures. I talked to 'em all the time.

Now look, I get it. There is nothing wrong with aiming high. In fact, I am very well known for interacting with small business owners and being a very overwhelming person to talk to because I only know how to think 37 steps ahead from right now. That's it. I only know how to listen to you. Tell me about your small.

Little snippet of something that has to do with your business and already talking about how you should be franchising that. It's intense. I've even had people sit across to me and say, Sarah Beth, before we talk, I just need you to know what overstimulates me.

But in that moment, listening to her tell me that about six figures not being enough, seven figures and eight figures is all that matters. I just felt this wave of like, is this really the standard now?  Is this the only thing that gives our work value? And that's when I realized something that I've been pushing down for a while myself, which is the fact that growth gets really, really lonely.

Now, I don't want this to be some like somber episode, but I want you to hear some of these things from me. So that you can learn to apply them to your life. One of the biggest truths that I can give to you today is that I don't really know what everyone else is doing, and not because I don't support people, and not because I'm bitter, but because when I start looking sideways, I start to doubt myself.

I start to actually pause. I don't even continue whatever I'm working on because I'm so obsessed with looking sideways. If I see someone running a business that looks like mine or is in the same field as me, or they offer something similar, I start to compare and then I start to spiral. I know this about me, so I've had to learn from my own health, my own sanity, that I only wanna focus on what I'm doing, what my clients are doing.

And what my mentor is guiding me through, period, end of story. It's not that I'm being ugly, and it's not that I'm being mean, it's just that I have to have these boundaries, these boundaries that protect my focus some family members are almost too much for me am I keeping up with the Jones mentality?

I can't look at what anybody else is doing. And I know the moment I do; I lose track of where I'm going. Even this morning I was talking with my husband, and I said, well, I'm about to go in my office. I'm just gonna put my head down for like six hours. I've got five podcast episodes to record for, one podcast, two for another, and I've gotta make sure I'm ahead of schedule for next week because I'm traveling for a speaking engagement.

Okay, cool. Awesome. Let me know when you're done. We'll go have lunch. Cool. Perfect. Let's do it. Now, you might already be thinking, well then, I'm not supporting my friends, or I'm not building my circle, or I'm not doing enough to get my sphere of influence to be better around me. There's different things you can do.

I'm talking day-to-day life. What do I allow in my circle? What is allowed within my boundaries? That's good for me. And I think knowing that is a really important step in entrepreneurship. Let's back this up though with a little bit of brain science.  According to social comparison theory, that was first introduced by Leon Festinger in 1954.

We naturally evaluate ourselves in comparison to others. We measure our success, our value, even our happiness by what we perceive in other people. How dangerous is that?  But even more recent, neuroscience supports this. There was a study that was published in Brain and Behavior in 2017, and it shows that constant upward comparison, meaning comparing ourselves to people who appear more successful, it activates parts of the brain associated with anxiety and reduced motivation.

It literally rewires how we experience our own life, and to me, that's exhausting. Cognitive load theory tells us that our brain can only handle so many inputs at one time. The more we fill our mental space with noise from social media, business shows, mastermind circles, the less capacity we have for clarity and decision making.

So when I say I stopped watching business shows like Shark Tank or The Profit, it's not a cute soundbite. It's an act of mental self-care. I literally stopped watching business shows because I cannot consume more about business than I've already got going on. I want to pay attention to my clients. I want to pay attention to those I mentor.

I want my mentor to be able to pour into me. I want to listen to books that inspire me. I choose my authors wisely. I literally know what is not good for me. And I actually used to think that watching different shows and listening to different books and being in all the circles was so important. And I did it for a while, but then I realized what was happening to my own mental health.

And I wanna encourage you in that every event sounds amazing. Every conference sounds amazing. Every podcast sounds amazing. Every group chick flick thing sounds amazing. It all sounds great, but what's it doing for you? And I don't mean, is it making you money? I mean, is it propelling you intellectually or is it draining you?

Is it just another distraction from you doing what you were actually meant to be doing?

Let's talk about something that sounds a little bit heavy, but in my opinion, it's actually a gift isolation. Now, I'm not talking about toxic isolation where you never reach out or you never connect. I'm talking about strategic solitude, the kind that actually gives you clarity. I believe that isolation at the right time can be the holy ground.

It's where you stop absorbing what the world wants from you, and you start tuning into what you need. Leadership expert Cal Newport, he calls this deep work. He says clarity about what matters, provides clarity about what does not. Boom. That's it. Listen, one more time.

Clarity about what matters, provides clarity about what does not. Did you hear that? So, here's how I do it. I track my progress and not others. Meaning I know the KPIs of my business. I know what metrics lead to what success. I know what tasks have to be done in order for me to grow.

I know that motivation isn't enough, that I have to have discipline. I only pay attention to the people that I mentor. I only let my mentors pour into me. I don't follow 10 voices. I follow just one. Now. I'll have conversations with other people on podcasts.

I'll speak at events. I do all those things. But I'm very intentional about what comes into my space that I allow to influence me. I choose my content and my input very carefully. I've learned that if I don't protect my peace, no one else will, and no one else is watching out for me, like I'm watching out for me.

This is the part of the episode that I wanna get real with you for a minute. Loneliness is when you feel disconnected from others, and that's really, really painful and I am not advocating for loneliness. Solitude is when you are intentionally disconnected so you can reconnect with yourself. That's powerful, and that's also very different than loneliness.

You might feel alone on your path right now, but I promise you. You are not the only one choosing quiet over chaos. You're not the only one. Skipping the highlight reels on Instagram so that you can stay focused on your purpose. There is a tribe of us. We are just quiet because we're working. Let me give you an example of this for a moment.

I have a 16-week container. It's called Blueprint to Breakthrough. I currently have 32 people in that container. Now, I heard the other day when I was at the actual podcast recording, I was talking about earlier in the episode, and one of the gals that was actually doing all the videography, she said, you know what's so crazy is most people would beg to have that many people in a container.

I can't believe that. That's really, really good. And I actually didn't know that. I thought it was very normal that people would have 30 to 40 people in a container because that's all. That I know. I only know what I do. I don't know what everyone else is doing because I can't pay attention to them. Now in that 16-week container, I do many different things with my clients. One, we have accountability partners. We have a private podcast. We have every other week meetings. I have weekly episodes that release. I have workbook tasks, digital downloads, a lot of things that are happening over the course of 16 weeks.

Taking my clients from the blueprint phase to breakthrough at whatever level they're going to next. So, if it's a new startup practice, a new startup business. If it's someone who's making six figures, going to seven, seven figures, going to eight. It applies to everyone. Now I'm telling you this, because if you ran a container like that and you didn't see client engagement, where you didn't see people talking back and forth and super engaged, you might feel depressed or defeated.

And in fact, some of my clients that are part of my group have mentioned things like that to me. Well, Sarah Beth, it feels pretty quiet in our chat. Oh, Sarah Beth. I'm not seeing a bunch of engagement. You see people, they measure engagement, and they compare. But for me, I meet one-on-one with every client that I have every single month.

We have a private one-on-one session. Now, do I want engagement? Would I love if people were cheering people on all the time and always engaging and always talking back and forth? Sure. But a lot of that is fluff. And we don't want fluff. I would rather you put your head down and work than be distracted by needing to keep up with the chat channel we have.

That's not important to me. What's important to me is that I see your results. I watch you working. I see you asking questions. There is a lot more that goes on behind the scenes beside what you see in a chat. Just because we're quiet doesn't mean we're not working. And in my opinion, like I said a few minutes ago, we're just quiet because we are working.

That's what our tribe is. We're putting our head down and we're working. We're not trying to create reels and posts and text threads and chat channels where everyone's distracted by this thing. Instead, we're putting our head down. We're motivated, we're inspired, but we are diligent. We are disciplined. We are dedicated.

Now, listen, I am not anti-community, and I don't want you to think that after what I just said. It kind of sounds like it. I get it but stick with me for a minute. I love seeing people come together but I have learned that the rooms I walk into have to match the energy that I have been fighting so hard to protect.

And if it doesn't match the energy, I am leveling up that room. We are making it what we need it to be, and you can build a community intentionally. You can get clear on the type of voices you want in your space. Don't just welcome everyone and everything. Choose mentors or authors that you listen to that lift you up without triggering comparison.

Build real relationships with people who value your space, your pace, and not just your performance.

After all of that. Let's bring about our, that's good moment for today. In every episode, I have a, that's good moment. The time that we reflect on what I've talked about, where we've been, what you're listening to, we've covered a lot Today. We talked about why scaling can feel isolating. We unpack the science behind comparison and why our minds need boundaries and why being alone doesn't always mean being lonely.

We redefined isolation as a sacred clarifying space, and we remembered that protecting your peace is not selfish. It's actually necessary. If this episode spoke to you, if you're feeling that weight of leadership, of entrepreneurship, of I'm doing this, but I feel like no one understands me, I wanna invite you to connect with me.

Maybe you're looking for a mentor who gets it, who can help you lead better and grow stronger, but not compare. Maybe you need a virtual support team in your dental practice or in your salon or your spa, or any business that you have that can help take weight off your plate. Maybe you want someone like me to speak at your next event to bring this kind of truth and clarity to your audience.

Whatever it is, I'd love to work with you. You can visit Sarah Beth herman.com or send me a direct message on Instagram at No Silver Spoons Podcast or mentor dot sbh. We will link everything in the show notes for you today. I've also created a digital download for this episode.

You can go deeper in and reflect and work through what you are working on. You don't have to do this alone. You don't have to be everywhere. You don't have to compare to be valuable. You don't have to be in every room with everyone just because someone has a really aesthetic Instagram. Just because someone says they have a great community, it doesn't mean that that community is exactly for you.

You're doing amazing things. Keep your head down, stay in your lane, walk forward. Because you are the right person for the road that you are on. Thank you for hanging out with me today. I'll catch you guys 📍 on the next episode.