📍    Welcome back to no silver spoons. This is a podcast where I talk about real leadership, real struggles, real wins, no sugarcoating, no shortcuts, but really tackling things that you want to talk about. I'm Sarah Beth. And today we're tackling something that I have dealt with that has actually crippled me and what you and so many other business owners, leaders, and high achievers struggle with.

And that is performance anxiety versus dedication to your job. Where's the line been pushing yourself? Where's the line between pushing yourself to greatness and grinding yourself right into the ground. If you've ever found yourself working harder, but feeling worse, this episode is for you. I'm breaking down the science, the statistics, And the leadership stuff that will help you manage that pressure without letting it completely consume you.

Because trust me, as a small business owner, I've been there. I am there. I struggle with making sure I don't go there all the time. So let's get into it. I found that it's easy to get caught up in thinking that working hard equals success. But the real truth is that sustainable growth actually happens when we learn to work smarter.

Performance anxiety may make you feel like you have to do it all. But what if I told you that the most successful leaders know how to take a step back and reassess? Today, I'm going to talk about letting go of fear that can change the game for you and your business. Many small business owners struggle with imposter syndrome, and I've talked about this over and over in other episodes, that constant feeling of having to prove ourselves, right? 

That leads to excessive work hours, overcommitments and unhealthy attachments to perfection. Understanding that hard work doesn't always mean effective work is what has helped me shift out of that performance anxiety and into true leadership that I was always meant to be in. So let's talk about what performance anxiety is.

And I think when I talk about this, you're going to be blown away because you're probably going to say, yeah, that's me a couple of times. Performance anxiety is more than just stress. It's the actual fear of failure that keeps you stuck in a cycle of overworking, overthinking, and overcompensating. It's that feeling of never, ever, ever, ever, ever being good enough, no matter how much effort you put in.

It's waking up at night, replaying a client, customer, or patient interaction all over in your head over and over and over again, wondering if you could have handled it better. If you could have said something different to make it go the way that you wanted. It's the fear of disappointing your employees, your boss, your manager, even yourself.

And for small business owners, performance anxiety often looks like constantly checking emails for fear of missing out on an important email message, over preparing for meetings, convinced that you need to have all of the answers. It's avoiding delegation because no one can do it as perfectly as you can.

It's the struggling with pricing your services because you fear people won't think you're worth it. It's the saying yes to everything, even when it's overwhelming because you don't want to let people down. You see, the problem with performance anxiety is that it creates a self sabotaging loop. You work longer hours trying to compensate for your fear, but exhaustion makes you less effective.

You hesitate to take risks because playing small keeps you from growing. Breaking free from this cycle requires shifting. From a fear driven action to purpose driven leadership. This last week I had to make one of these decisions. I had to make a decision to actually say no to something I really, really, really wanted to say yes to.

You see, as part of my journey, I'm shifting into more public speaking roles. I'm shifting into more mentoring, more coaching, high net worth clients.  And because I'm doing that, I am working to position myself in my future for larger crowds. To date, the largest crowd I've ever spoken to is 1500.  That's a solo speaking event to 1500 people. 

I want to be in rooms with tens of thousands of people. I want more people learning from my mistakes, my anxiety, my hardships, so that they can prepare for a better future that they were always meant to have in their own world. And so to do that, I've got to posture myself in different ways that I've never postured myself before.

I have to surround myself with people who have the skills, the talents, and the resources to get me into rooms that give me the larger space.  But what I also have to realize is that I am good enough right now. I belong on those stages now. I don't have to say yes to every invitation. I am constantly presented with opportunities to own other businesses, to be partners in new businesses, to start brand new, never thought of businesses.

And I just used to say yes to all of them because I just want to be part of growing something, making something bigger than ever before. But there are only 24 hours in a day, and I can't say yes to everybody.  So, I had to turn down an incredible opportunity. To partner with two people on what I believe will be one of the largest business networking corporations slash companies to exist.

Give it five years. And what I said to them was, you know what, this isn't no forever, but this is no for right now. I have so many obligations and things that I need to pour into, that if I were to take on this project, I know I wouldn't give it what it needs and what it deserves to get it where it has to get to.

Where it's meant to get to. I'm going to talk about more of my experience in this episode as we continue, but I just want you to think about that for a minute. Think about how hard it was for me to say no, because I was saying yes to so many other things that I knew deep down I wasn't going to be able to give it my all.

Before I talk more about my experience, I want to first help you understand why performance anxiety actually happens. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that 75 percent of people experience some form of work-related anxiety. For small business owners, this number is even higher because our work is deeply personal.

The Yerkes Dodson law tells us a certain amount of stress enhances performance, but too much stress leads to decreased productivity.  Studies have also shown that leaders with high levels of unchecked performance anxiety are 40 percent more likely to experience burnout and 50 percent less effective at delegating tasks.

The National Institute of Mental Health found that entrepreneurs are twice as likely to suffer from anxiety and stress related disorders than those in traditional employment. I guess the bottom line here is that anxiety can fuel action in small amounts, but if we don't keep it in check, it becomes a destructive force that hinders business growth. 

It stops the relationships from progressing and it means that our overall wellbeing is going down. Understanding the mental toll of this anxiety and learning how to redirect it toward constructive goal driven actions can be a game changer for anyone looking to break free from this cycle. One major issue that arises from performance anxiety is what I call decision fatigue.

That's when you're in a constant state of stress and your ability to make good decisions decreases significantly. Instead of leading with clarity, you find yourself second guessing every move leading to stagnation and burnout.  Maybe you're a small business owner that has a couple businesses. You've got a couple things going on, but nothing is really moving the way it should be, meaning you're not really scaling.

You're just kind of keeping what you have and it's not going anywhere because you're not putting the energy into it that you need to and the energy you do have into it is so burnt out from everything else in your corner that you just can't see straight. This last week, one of my clients shared something so great that I absolutely had to share on this episode.

I talk a lot about Mel Robbins because I think she's fabulous. She doesn't have these, like, great grandiose ideas, but what she does have is very simple things that we know as humans, and she puts them into perspective in a way that makes total sense, and it brings brand new thoughts to those ideas. And so, she talks about a practice known as brain dumping, and I'm sure you've heard of this before.

But it's one of the most effective ways to overcome performance anxiety, in my opinion. And the idea is simple. Instead of letting thoughts, anxieties, to do lists, all that stuff clog your mind, I want you to write them down. And Mel Robbins explains that our brains are not designed to hold endless amounts of stress.

When we try to juggle everything mentally, we actually become overwhelmed. We become anxious and reactive rather than that strategic leader that we're supposed to be. And when she pulls in the research, she states that studies show that writing down our thoughts can reduce our stress by 30 percent because it allows the brain to process and prioritize.

 So, if you want to brain dump, You can pause this episode right here and you can actually practice brain dumping.  Listen to these four steps and then pause this and let's try it. First, I want you to take five minutes. You can do this in the morning, or at night, or right now when you pause this episode.

I want you to write everything on your mind. Your worries, your deadlines, your unfinished tasks, your thoughts about clients, the business stuff that you want to do, the business stuff you haven't done. Your kids, your spouse, your best friend, your brother, your sister, your mom, your dad. I want you to write everything down.

I don't care what it is. Personal, business, doesn't matter. Write it down. Then I want you to categorize and prioritize. Everything you just wrote down. What is urgent?  What can be delegated? What is just noise going on in your world? If you just had those three columns. Most things would be noise. Most things are just distractions and noises that are pausing you from where you are meant to go.

Three, I want you to turn lists into action steps. So, break the large tasks into smaller manageable actions. So, you've probably written some things down that are urgent. You've probably written down some things that need to be delegated. Okay. Let's break these down into small things so you can feel successful when they're checked off. 

And number four, I want you to recognize patterns. If the same anxieties are appearing frequently, this is a sign of a deeper issue that needs addressing. I want you to learn that incorporating brain dumping into your routine, means that you can literally move from reacting out of anxiety to taking control of your focus and productivity.

At the beginning of this episode, I talked about the dedication to your job. And a lot of people think I'm so anxious because I'm dedicated. Because this is my business, and it is deeply personal. And that's why I have anxiety. But dedication is actually so different than performance anxiety. So, let's talk about what dedication is.

When I first started my entrepreneurship journey, I was really young, and I learned about being relentless in my pursuit of excellence because it was out of necessity. I was always struggling in my life and when I grew up to be an adult and I met my husband and we decided to do entrepreneurship together, it was still out of necessity that we had to be excellent.

And then as I had different jobs, but it was always out of necessity instead of me recognizing that I was just trauma responding to the way I had always been to the experiences that I had had in my past, instead of doing that and acknowledging that I Was really great at my jobs, and I used the word I'm dedicated.

I am driven. My husband used to tell me that I was one of those people that would drink the Kool Aid. That it didn't matter what company I worked for, I always believed they were the best company. The only company that could be the best because I worked there, and I believed wholeheartedly in them.

And that made me a great asset to that company.

I like to think that he was really right in saying that. that he was spot on. But what I've learned over the years, and especially now owning five companies simultaneously, being a five-time CEO, having multiple podcasts, mentoring people that make seven, eight figures. What I have learned is that it is very, very easy to get overwhelmed.

It is very easy to say, I'm dedicated and that's why I'm stressed. It's very easy to convince yourself of anything other than I have anxiety than to actually admit I have performance anxiety.

I say that because when I have ever been really anxious at work and I've been stressed out about what my boss thinks or what a client thinks or what a coworker thinks,

I've realized that it just literally takes over everything for me. It takes over all of it. And then I don't get anything done because I either push so hard that I burn out or I don't touch it because touching it gives me more anxiety because then I actually have to face whatever it is I've got to work on.

About four years ago in the largest company that I own, I started to recognize that. Dedication is what turned my business into a long-term success. And that dedication without boundaries is what led to burnout. You see, I can be dedicated to my business. I can be dedicated to my clients. I can be dedicated to my friends and my family and my husband and my daughter and all of the people in my inner circle.

I can be dedicated to them.

But I don't need to be dedicated to just try to survive, right? I need to be dedicated because I am living in intentionality. I am learning to tap into why am I even doing this? Why did I even start this business? Why did I even start this idea? Why? Why does it exist? And move and shift into a space of thriving.

You see, dedication is the fuel that pushes entrepreneurs forward when obstacles stand in the way. But I've learned that dedication must be rooted in that intentionality and not in fear. As a business owner, when I've confused dedication with excessive control, I have risked stifling my own creativity. I have risked my own wellbeing, and I've put my company at risk.

So here are some things that I do. To regain control of my own mental health, where I actually shift from performance anxiety to true dedication. One, I try to remind myself all of the time about why I started my businesses. I write it down.

I say it out loud and I make it a mantra. And when fear takes over, I returned to my mission. When my anxiety is creeping in, I returned to my mission. And oftentimes if I'm really stressed out and I try to recite those mantras that I've created for myself, if whatever I'm stressed out about is not in alignment with my business, with what I'm going through, with what I'm striving for, with what I've been dedicated toward.

I learned that I have to dismiss it and move on from it because it's consuming such valuable space in my mind. I don't have time for it.

Two, I have a commitment to growth, not perfection. I've learned that mistakes are just part of business. Every time I make a mistake, it's a lesson. It's not a failure. Dedication means staying committed even when things just don't go perfectly. Three, I develop systems for myself that define success for me.

I know that willpower alone won't make me feel successful. That's just not who I am. I have workflows and I have clear boundaries, and I put systems in place that allow me to work smarter and not harder. I have an admin team that is out of this world, and do they make mistakes, and do they forget things?

Yeah, of course. But again, mistakes are part of the business. I guess that brings me to number four. I surround myself with support. I've learned that the most successful people that I've met know that they can't do it alone. And I had to learn that too. I had to have mentors. I had to be part of masterminds.

I had to be part of containers. I had to have accountability partners that kept me focused on what matters. And number five, I measure my progress, not just my productivity. I had to stop defining success by how busy I was because I'm the busiest person I've ever met. And instead, I track how much impact I'm making, whether it's revenue growth, whether my clients are successful, whether my clients are happy or something that I've personally done for myself, that's given me joy.

I've had to learn that dedication isn't about working 24 7, 365. It's about working with clarity, with strategy, and most importantly, with purpose for me. So that my business supports my life and not the other way around.

If I could say that I wanted you to know one thing from this episode, it would be that no matter what you resonate with me on, no matter what you agree with me on, no matter what you think, wow, yeah, that's totally me on, it is your choice to take all of the things I talk about and put it into action in your own life.

I can't make you do it. So, you've got to stick with it.

This brings me to our that's good moment. In every episode, I love to talk about our that's good. Hey, that was good. Now let's recap it and talk about what was good about this episode so that you can take it with you in your days.

In every episode, you'll hear me talk about our that's good moment.  What is a that's good moment? A that's good moment is just a recap of the things that I felt were so important in this episode that I want you to take with you. True leadership is about recognizing that success is built on clarity, consistency, and resilience.

It's not built on fear. Anxiety may have started your business, but dedication is what will grow it. Leaders embrace challenges, they adapt, and they move forward. And mistakes do not define you. Your ability to learn and adjust does.  When you feel overwhelmed, I want you to ask yourself, am I reacting out of fear or am I leading with intention?

This episode was shaped by research and information that was derived from the American Psychological Association, the National Institute of Mental Health, Harvard Business Review, Mel Robbins, and the Yerkes Dodson Law.  Thank you so much for tuning into this episode.

If at any time you feel that I'm speaking a little too slow or a little too fast, wherever you listen to your podcast at, you can actually control the speed of my voice. Feel free to speed that up or slow it down so that you can get the most out of every episode. I would love to see you online and you can follow me on my mentor page or at no silver spoons underscore podcast.

Until next time, keep leading with clarity. Keep up the confidence and just know that you and I aren't too different. Performance anxiety is real, but dedication is the thing that scales your business. I'll catch you guys 📍 on your next episode.