Mentally Tough: Loneliness in Leadership Ep. 015

Do you remember when you wished so bad to be the manager?  Or maybe when you thought the owner of a business should just pay you more because they're clearly rich and they can afford it. Do you remember starting your own business and having no idea how to price something because you're a one man show and you didn't have a big name brand behind you to back you up. 

And how could you charge for something? How could you even decide what that might be? Do you remember wearing nine different hats on a daily basis to get your business off the ground? And before you knew it, the day was over and you completed exactly zero things.  Yeah. Me too. 

This is our final episode of our first season of dentistry support the podcast. What a gift it has been to be with each of you. This season, we started out with what I thought was so strong. We started at discussing some of the hardest conversations in dentistry and leadership. The soul of our own leadership. From dental office stuff to building mental toughness. And over 4,000 downloads later, you are here. Choosing to be part of this podcast. 

And I am so grateful. I'm Sarah Beth, your host. And my goal for this first season was to get my feet wet in podcasting. Hopefully find a passion here and grow as a result of each episode. What I gained was thousands of new best friends who keep coming back to support me. And I could have never imagined that. 

We're going to get real about a topic that hits home for many of us at the base of business, the loneliness of leadership. It's not often talked about because as leaders. We feel a need to maintain this image of strength and control and this posture that we've got it all together.  I think. When we step back, we can really face the reality. Steering a company can be an isolating journey. And steering a team. 

It just isn't too different. So why do we feel this way? The weight of making decisions that affect not only our lives, but the lives of our employees and clients is overwhelming. We put this pressure on ourselves. That is unbelievable. And while we need to keep a composed face, Behind that. We're human. We fear we doubt and yes. We feel alone in all of these challenges that we have.  It's like, man, if I let on for a second that I don't have my stuff together. No, one's going to listen to me. 

No, one's going to buy from me. I'm going to lose customers.  What we fail to realize is how many people we gain by just being our authentic self. It is very hard to live and exist in a world, especially with social media where people build a perfect life online for you to see. And then when they start to get into their own business development stage or starting a business, It's like reality hits them in the face that it's not all perfect. 

And we don't know how to handle it.  I want this episode to be a support system for you. To let you know that if you're brave enough to start that business, which I completely believe you are. Do it. And when you're lonely or when you're scared or when you're freaking out, come back here. Because this is a place where you're going to learn, you're going to grow and you're going to feel like you have a family around you. That's going to support you in the good and the bad. 

I never knew what leaders ahead of me meant when they said things like it's lonely at the top. Like, what do you mean when you say it's lonely at the top?  And is that just a statement that really rich people say to get us to feel sorry for them? Because they make so much money, but they have no friends. 

Like what. What are we getting at here? But what's happening. 

What those leaders didn't tell me. Is that I would build a business and have people hate me because of something. One of my staff members did. They didn't tell me, I'd create a social media campaign about what my company does. And then a client of mine who'd been with me for five years was suddenly stopped services with my company because they found out. That we weren't following them on social media and they received one of our ads. They didn't tell me I would hire family. And that family would quit working for me. Or that I'd hire family and have to fire them. They didn't tell me on my worst days in business, I'd have no one I could talk to about my stress because I had zero people in my circle that could understand a one day five figure loss. Or a one day five figure win and not think I was so rich that they deserved a part of it or so rich that I shouldn't be complaining. 

So, how do we manage this? For me. It has been the most important thing to build a network of peers. Even if everyone in my network. Is not at my income level. Below it or above it, no matter where they stand having that network mint, everything. 

For me, it also meant. Other business owners who understand the unique stresses of my roles being part of that. We're here to network. We share our experiences. We support each other emotionally. We share and the good and the bad we discuss all of that. Mental toughness has been something so important to me to learn, to get a grasp of now. When I say that I have mental toughness or I have strong emotional intelligence. 

That doesn't mean that I never freak out. It doesn't mean that I never have anxiety. It doesn't mean that I get down on myself. It means that when I do, I figure out and I've learned how to get myself back. It might take me a couple of hours, but I can do it. And I am trusting that the more you'll listen to me, chatter with you about all these different things I've learned in business. 

You'll learn those same tendencies. 

For you, mental toughness might be establishing a mindful practice seeking out professional mentoring or coaching. Or maybe just making sure you have time to decompress outside of what your work looks like. 

Having a community within our own industries is so important.  Every single person I mentor, we talk about this. What are you doing to be part of your community? Oftentimes what I hear when I mentor others, no matter what industry they tell me, it's a drama filled industry. They don't want to be part of any sort of community that has any other business owners that are like them. 

They want to steer as far away from it as possible. I get it. Dentistry is that way too, in my opinion. But every industry is choosing to create a network in your industry will change the way leadership is forever. 



I want to open up the conversation  how do we cope with loneliness and leadership? What strategies exist out there? And I'm here to share with you. 

What's working for me. It doesn't mean it's all going to work for you. But I know it works . There's three main ways that you can overcome that loneliness that comes with leadership. That loneliness that comes with business ownership. Cultivate your network. Seek out and create a network of fellow business owners and leaders. You can join a mastermind group, you can attend industry conferences, you can participate in online forums. 

You can find a singular mentor that will help you and guide you. And that connection with that mentor will get you connections with so many other people, because if they're mentoring you, they're probably mentoring 5, 10, 15, 20 other people that also have spheres. Those of influence. If you're too shy to go to a conference or you don't have the money to go to a conference yet. 

Totally cool. You don't need to go to all of those, but find a way to connect with yourself. A year ago, I attended a huge conference. I made  seven friends at this conference that I'm still friends with today. And we talk all the time. We text we message. We inspire each other. We get excited to see each other at future conferences. Build yourself a network because being able to bounce things off of another professional is incredible. 

You feel empowered, you feel like. Oh man. I can trust them because they totally get where I'm at. 

Get on your schedule, even if it's like virtual check-ins with friends or peers, get them on your schedule once a month. Start talking with friends as much as you can, even if it's annoying to add something to your schedule, that doesn't make you money. It's worth it for your mental health. This practice of making sure that you have virtual meetings or you schedule a coffee date with a friend, it will recharge you. 

It will fill your cup and you will feel so good. These kinds of practices, they mitigate those feelings of isolation by reminding you that other people share and similar struggles. And sometimes you might go to those meetings or hop on those calls. And you might be the only one talking, but then the next time your friend is going to unload on you because they just need someone to hear them out. 

Be that person for someone else. 

Number two, engage with a supportive network that encourages sharing, uh, vulnerabilities. What I mean by that is. Make sure that when you're building this network, That that network is not just a bunch of false realities. When I say false realities. I mean, the picture that gets painted on social media.  These perfect businesses, these perfect offices, these perfect teams. 

No team is perfect. No business is perfect. But partnering and having friends that understand that, that allow you to have that vulnerability to chat about what's going on in their business, give you advice and not judge you. That is a beautiful and glorious thing. And if you don't have that, I am inviting you to my network. I'm inviting you to my network so you can call. You can text me. 

 You can head over to the group on your favorite social media platform.  You can chatter in there. Hey, you know what? I just had a really tough day. And I just need to be able to vent cool vent, post anonymously. 

I don't care, whatever you need to do. I get it out of there. Schedule a call with me. Let's chat. Let's meet for a virtual coffee. So, you know, you have a friend in business. This practice will nurture a sense of belonging and community. That is absolutely essential for your mental toughness. It reminds you that you're not alone. 

When you prioritize mental and emotional wellbeing. It changes everything. About how you handle business in the future. 

I love to exercise. I find it to be very soothing, very peaceful for me. In fact, I have a walking treadmill. And halfway through the day I get up from sitting at my desk and I go to the walking treadmill. I grabbed my laptop, I grab a glass of water, a hair clip, and I walk while I work for about 90 minutes. It is glorious. 

It makes me feel productive. I'm working, I'm getting things done while simultaneously doing something healthy for my mind. Then once or twice a week, I attend a various type of workout class where I'm with other people that are familiar to me that might be a cycling class or a yoga class or a Pilates class. These are things that I can't even focus on what's going on with work or my personal life, because those things require my energy and attention and they're active. 

I'm moving. I have to pay attention to an instructor. They provide a necessary break for me. It reduces my own feelings of isolation because I literally work from home. Even though I work from home once or twice a week, I go to a local coffee shop that I'm a regular ad. And I have a cup of coffee and I work for a couple of hours. 

It's glorious. I love it. It takes me out of my environment in with other people, even though I'm still working I'm around other people. Consider therapy, coaching, getting some sort of external person to provide professional support for you so that your mental health is not impacted. 

When you make the choice to prioritize your wellbeing, you develop emotional resilience, enabling you to face business challenges without succumbing to feelings of isolation or burnout. Mental toughness is not just about enduring hardships, but also knowing when and how to seek help. 

You are reinforcing the idea that seeking support is a strength. Not a weakness and you're training your mind to think that way. 

Number three is to foster an inclusive and supportive company culture. So if you are a business owner, Start today, creating a culture that values open communication and mutual support, where your employees feel comfortable sharing their ideas and their concerns. When you do this, it reduces feelings of isolation at the top. By creating a team unity just below. Have regular team building activities. Feedback sessions that encourage interaction beyond work-related tasks, you will now be building relationships and understanding within your team. 

By nurturing a supportive company culture. 

You not only combat your own feelings of loneliness, but you also build a resilient organizational structure where team members feel valued and understood. This is so important. When I created dentistry support, I always wanted to make sure that we had ways that we honored our team members, successes. Other than just saying you did a great job. 



When you have a whole team of remote employees, it is very hard to keep engaged. Remove that feeling of isolation honor people in specific ways. So we have several different things in our organizational structure that help our team members feel valued. One of those is we have a kudos board. 

 Whenever one of our clients gives a compliment, says, thank you. Does something out of the blue that acknowledges the hard work of our team. We have a submission board for this. That submission gets entered in and it automatically gives an alert to everyone in our company, that someone in our company was praised who it was and who their leader was. 

It is a great way that we all stay engaged together. We have this amazing collaborative environment. Everybody feels valued.  We also take those, throw them on our website. We have an entire announcement system for anniversaries and birthdays and successes in our company. We created a little mascot in our company called our alert monkey. And he announces and celebrates all of the things within our team for our entire company. 

 As soon as there is an announcement that we have, it literally alerts everybody in our organization to celebrate that person. 

Brainstorm with your team things you can do to set you apart. And remember that the journey of leadership and business ownership. Is inherently challenging. It does feel lonely, but it doesn't have to be a path that you walk alone. As you choose to build a network of peers, prioritizing your own mental and emotional wellbeing and fostering a supportive company culture. You actually transform your loneliness and to an opportunity for personal growth and a deeper connection with others. 

These strategies not only help in building mental toughness, but also ensure that you're setting a strong foundation for a supportive and resilient business community. And that year focus on generational leadership is at the very top of your priority list. Because while all of these actions I've shared with you today equal you being a stronger or mentally tough leader. It also subconsciously is training your team members on how to act. As I think about all of the things, no one told me about the loneliness of leadership. I just thought about a few more things. 

They never told me. They never told me I'd hire over 500 people. I'd stand on stages and speak to thousands. I'd help dentists in every single state nationwide build their dreams. I'd help families in third world countries get out of poverty. And build their first time home by a car, put their sons and daughters through college. They also didn't tell me I changed the way dentistry looks at a community. 

You see all the loneliness and business I ever felt. Turned out to be the best things for me because of the life I was gifted to see. 

Yeah, that's good moment. 

As I wrap up this season and I reflect on the challenges of leadership. Remember that even the strongest leaders face moments of vulnerability and loneliness, it's okay to seek support. To prioritize your own wellbeing to foster a sense of community within your industry. 

 Recognizing and addressing these feelings, you actively transform your own mental toughness and you build a stronger, more resilient leadership and owner presence. I heard a quote that it says it was unknown. So I don't know who to attribute this to. If you know who send me an email. It says sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all faults. CRI behind closed doors. And fight battles that no one knows about. As we take a break before our next season and want you to remember that you are not alone in your journey as a leader.  Reach out and connect with me. 

I'm here for you. I am your best friend and leadership. Remember that vulnerability. Is a strength. It's not a weakness. Season two of dentistry support. The podcast is already in the works and then it is so good. You guys, it is so good. If you would like to be a guest on the show, please visit dentistry support.com or connect with us on social media. And just a few short weeks, we are returning with more discussions, more inspiring stories. 

Guests, you were just going to love. With viewpoints that you can't even imagine they have until then take care and continue to lead with courage and compassion. 

Thank you for tuning in I'll catch you in season two of dentistry support the podcast.