Mentally Tough: Failing at Everything Ep. 013

 Welcome back to dentistry support the podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Beth Herman.  And it is officially season one, episode 13, and you're here listening to me. Chatter with you on being mentally tough and failing at all. Sounds riveting. And I guess that's the precursor to me telling you that season two of dentistry support, the podcast is already in the works. This season is wrapping up and just two more weeks. 

And I can't believe it. I am so grateful for each of you that press download each week and spend time working on you. Your leadership and the future generations that come after you. I read a statistic yesterday. That women entrepreneurs between the ages of 40 and 45. Have the highest suicide rate. And while I'm not yet 40. 

And I really like to remind everyone of that. I have to agree that I have let business wreck me. It's wrecked me to my core. It's wrecked me and the way I responded to people. The way I've made business decisions, it's wrecked me and how I've treated people. The closest to me.  It has wrecked me. 

 I honestly understand that the journey of business ownership and leadership is filled with challenges. I get it. We all know it. We all see it. We all experience it. But I could have never prepared myself for the things that I've gone through. Even if you would have told me. Exactly how it was going to play out. I needed to experience it for myself. And many times I've literally felt like I was failing at everything and the hits just kept coming.

 This overwhelming sense of inadequacy for me. Always came from three main areas of my leadership and life. Once I began to understand these three things. It changed so much about how I processed what I went through and learned from it, rather than crumbled as a result of it. For you understanding these three things. We'll help you in addressing your feelings of failure and transforming them into opportunities for growth and improvement. 

 During my third year in business with dentistry support. I remember we were growing fast and I mean, super fast. We hadn't yet gotten to the point where our onboarding form actually helped us learn how an office wanted us to support them. We had no formal training department for new hires. And I was personally onboarding every dental office. 

I was taking every call. I was handling every problem situation. You name it. And I was wearing the hat. 

 My days were long. And my clients at this point, we're in almost every state in the United States. And that meant that I was in every time zone. So the United States. I had 75 employees at the time. And I thought that was a lot.  I giggle now thinking about it. But I also cringe so badly at how we just didn't have our stuff together. 

And I was trying so hard to make it all work. This was still a year before the COVID shutdown. And I had no idea what struggles were still ahead of me. I remember this one month we had over 20 sales calls, which was crazy for me at the time. If you don't know this yet. I am the CEO of dentistry support. And I still take every first call with every new client. I want them to know me. 

I want them to hear from me and understand the passion behind why this company exists. It's not a joke for me and I don't take it for granted. And yes, before every call, I pray over it. I pray over the words that will come out of my mouth, that I will be an inspiration and a motivation. And first the dental offices friend in dentistry. I do not care how cheesy that sounds. 

I cared that much. It matters to me that every dental office I meet knows that I care about them. It was the first part of fall. I remember because this one day, I'm about to tell you all about, I can still remember the smell of the candle. I had burning in the house. The day was that significant? We lived out in the boonies, in the small town I lived in at the time and our internet was terrible.  Usually early in the morning, I would head to the community center to use their wifi.  And a quiet room to take calls. I'd stay there until about two or three o'clock each day. And finish the rest of my day at home. Then three days a week, I would go to a dental office. 

I privately coached and mentored. I was generating a revenue of about $50,000 per month. My staff was worldwide and I was spread thin. 

I have made it a conscious choice to not hire people with dental experience. It has derailed me more times than I can count because everyone thinks they are a Supreme expert in dentistry. And we do not support offices from the standpoint that we know everything and we do it all perfect. We support them from the vantage point that we are wise, but we also support the journey that they're on the dreams they have for their practice in how they want it to run. 

We align with their best practices. I don't want to change their company structure. I want to mold my company to be sure I support them the best way for their growth. So we train everyone from scratch. The day before I had a call with a prospective client out of Scottsdale, Arizona. He had a larger office and we were going to enroll his office. 

The fee was $6,000 per month. He ended up signing up that very day. He paid his one month in advance and we were pumped.  The week before I had enrolled two dental offices. The sum of their revenue was $9,000 combined per month. So with the new office that we just enrolled from Scottsdale, our total monthly revenue was that $65,000 per month. 

And for us, we were killing it. it. was the highest revenue we had to date.

 At this point I had just really let my dental billing lead, take the reins and payment posting for seven of our offices. She was pretty good. The team under her. Wasn't perfect, but we were auditing and it was all going okay.

 I had just really let my dental billing team lead, take the reins and payment posting for seven of my offices. She was pretty good. And the team under her that was tasked with these duties every day. They weren't perfect, but we were auditing them and it was going okay.  At this point, we didn't have near what we have now, as far as people or staffing processes and accountability with our services. It was pretty rough. 

We were basically surviving on Google docs and Skype messaging. I mean, yikes is the best word that I can give you because HIPAA compliance wasn't even a thought we were thinking of. We were just trying to provide this remote support and live out this dream that I had created in my mind of what this company was going to be.

 Back to the day. My morning started out with my new office that I had just enrolled from Scottsdale, Arizona. Telling me that he had never asked his wife and now he can't enroll and he needs his $6,000 back. 45 minutes later, my dental office that I was coaching. And mentoring that was paying me $8,750 a month. Just called and said that they needed to cancel my services because they just found out their sister who owned the practice with them was embezzling. And the payment they had already paid me how to stop payment on it. 

At this point, my stress was getting a little bit more intense.  By noon. I had a message from one of my existing offices out of Oregon that we needed to talk. The payment posting was a mess and they just wanted to take it all back in house. They were canceled. They were canceling their services effective immediately. 

This was a $4,500 a month office. Okay, so let's do some quick math. 6,000 plus 87, 50 plus 4,500. That equals $19,250. Cool. So we're down to a monthly revenue of $45,000 and it's only noon. Love this awesome. I'm starting to panic. I have 75 employees, 75 people, depending on me for a paycheck. And I barely took a paycheck. 

I mean, barely took a paycheck. In fact, at this point I was applying for a loan through QuickBooks to get a hundred thousand dollars. To help me with funds while I beefed up my training department. So we could be better for our dental practices. By 1:00 PM. I had two emails hit my inbox. One was, uh, one of the offices that had just enrolled and their office manager had just come back from maternity leave and she was so upset that they had signed up with us, that they needed to put in their 30 day notice to end support before they even started. 

We were actually still inactive onboarding. The other was a three group practice that wanted to end half of their services that we did for them, because they just wanted to bring everything back in house. That was an additional $11,000 a month in reduction of revenue. So now we're down to under $35,000 a month in revenue.  I was balling. I was freaking out. I had no idea what the heck I was going to do. Everything in my business changed and I matter of hours. I started praying. I was crying, trying to figure out how to tell my husband my absolute panic without him losing his mind and freaking out, because payroll was so much more than this and we had no savings. 

We were barely making it. 

 In seven hours, my company lost nearly 50% of its very existence.  So let's talk about what happened. Where I went wrong. Obviously, you know, I made it out alive and today we have a thriving dental organization. But I have yet to meet a person who can see so well into the future of their business. And they just know that it will be better one day. First. I was a complete mess because I let the very first thing get to me. I let failing to meet financial goals. 

Absolutely destroy the trajectory of my day, my week. My thoughts of my business. 

So that's what we're going to start today. We're going to start at the very first thing. That changes everything about your mental toughness. The first thing that happens to be the worst feeling ever. Failing to meet financial goals.

Why does it feel like it's an overall failure when you don't meet financial goals or when there is a reduction in your finances? What's going on here.

 As a leader manager, business owner, whoever you might be that. As a leader manager or business owner. Financial performance is often seen as the scoreboard of your leadership or your business success. So when you fail to meet your goals or your finances change in a reduction manner. Whether it's missing revenue targets, unexpected expenses, or struggling with cashflow. You feel an aspect of personal responsibility? I do. 

I feel personally responsible. This financial under-performance, you can look at it as a direct reflection of your capabilities, which is where the first part of the profound sense of failure begins. So let's talk about impact. Beyond the personal feelings and the mental toughness that may not yet have the strength that needs. My own inadequacy and financial struggles lead to practical problems. 

Like I'm not able to pay my employees. I have a reduced operational capability. Or maybe even the risk of my business closing one more office and I'm going to have to shut the doors. Or one more patient we lose means I've got to close the business. It pressures leaders to reassess strategies. And sometimes this leads to us making desperate moves that don't necessarily align with long-term goals. So, how do I want you to build your mental toughness?  But I want you to learn is that you are fully capable of embracing every financial setback. As a learning opportunity. 

Analyze what went wrong. Why did it go wrong? You don't have to look at it as what did I do wrong? How did my team screw up? 

 It is perfectly fair to take the situation and from a non accusatory standpoint, Assess went wrong. If there are people that are to blame in your mind. Take a step back and realize that maybe our processes and our policies aren't defined clearly enough. And it is not preparing our team members for how to handle things the right way. 

When you make this conscious choice of reflection and analysis. It helps you develop a more nuanced understanding of your business and its environment. You don't need to take everything so personal, you don't need to take on the burden of every failure that happens. This is a business. You are a living, breathing, human, and you are not capable of screwing everything up. We can fail to have processes. We can fail to make the three legs of our organization really, really strong all at the same time.  But we cannot bear the burden of every singular mistake that happens. 

We can evaluate and we can move forward. By 3:00 PM. I had a new plan. I crafted a new training program. I created a process for cancellations that wouldn't kill my business in two seconds. I made my team more accountable, proving what we do and why we do it all day. I created a weekly check-in with our new offices and an entire department dedicated, solely to quality control. And I got that $100,000 QuickBooks loan on a 12 month repayment plan at 30% interest. 

Yes, I did. And no, Dave Ramsey wouldn't have approved, but that day. That was the one thing that gave me that dopamine hit, that I needed to continue on. It was the one thing telling me, you know, what, it's all gonna be. Okay. 

When I choose as a generational leader to document and share these lessons that I have all experienced with you. When I choose to share them with my team and future leaders. I am creating a culture of transparency and continuous improvement.  I'm not creating a culture where I blame someone else. I gossip about the bad work or the lack of work. 

Someone else in my team did. I am actually ensuring that future leaders learn from past mistakes without having to repeat them. 

You can do this too. You can take every challenge that you've experienced. And you can create more people that learn how to navigate financial challenges and unexpected financial challenges and a much healthier way.



 The second thing I did wrong leading up to this nearly $35,000 loss day. Was that I didn't have the right leadership or management in place. I didn't have enough people who could support me. That was a fail.  I can do anything. But I can't do everything. 

Ineffective leadership or management is the second thing. Why does this feel like a failure? Effective leadership is crucial for motivating your team. Guiding them through different challenges they have and actually achieving your business and leadership objectives. 

When leaders feel like they're failing, maybe due to  high employee turnover, low morale, or maybe failing to inspire people. 

They often internalize these issues as personal failures. Ineffective leadership will absolutely lead to a disconnect between the leader and their team. Which further exacerbates this sense of isolation and failure. 

The implications of perceived leadership failure. Our extensive and they affect your team productivity, your company culture, and ultimately the bottom line of your business. As a leader, you're likely doubting your competence. You're making the problem even worse with overcorrection, or maybe even  withdrawal, from engaging with your teams,  you're just so defeated that things aren't going the way you want.

 So how does building mental toughness change this? Well, we've got to go back to how to build the mental toughness. If you want to be mentally tough. I need you to start focusing on developing emotional intelligence, recognizing and understanding your own emotions and how they affect your team. This will build your team up so that you have the right people around you to solve problems. 

When you understand the way you respond.  You communicate more effectively with others, you have better conflict resolution, better team cohesion. I learned to practice empathy and actively seeking feedback. Because this transforms your perceived leadership failures into opportunities for personal growth. And team development. 

Learning to model emotional intelligence and open communication sets the standards for future leaders. 

It not only cultivates a supportive and inclusive company culture. But it also equips upcoming leaders with the tools to manage their teams effectively. So if you're really struggling because you don't have a great leadership team beneath you. It may have to do with how you are communicating with the people who are beneath you. Because leaders don't have to have a specific title. Everyone is a leader. And when you are well equipped with your own emotional intelligence being at its highest point, your own mental toughness strengthened, you actually ensure that your organization continues to thrive and has effective leadership.

 Lastly, this third thing.  And man, oh man, this one's smacked me in the face. 

Is not adapting quickly enough to market changes. I was still in a dental office, working. No, that wasn't where I knew things in dentistry were going. When I created dentistry support, I knew that dentistry was going somewhere totally different. I was still holding on to old ways that I had made money before. And those ways weren't going to work in the future. 

When I was trying to go in the future. As electricity evolved as automobiles have evolved, we've left old ways in the past. And I wasn't doing that. I needed to be focusing more on improving my team and being unavailable three days a week in an office when my team was all online and we had 75 employees and I was working 22 hours a day. 

I mean, all of this was so, so wrong. When you don't adapt quickly enough to market changes, it can feel like such a failure and you don't even realize why you're failing. The pace of change and many industries is relentless. Leaders are expected to anticipate and react to market shifts, technological advancements, and changing consumer behaviors. 

So I was changing the way dentists would think about their business by bringing something completely online. That used to be done in offices. And if I am not willing to fully adapt to that new change and I'm still staying in the past. I am preventing my company from moving forward. So my failure to adapt quickly enough resulted in lost opportunities. Declining relevance. And a competitive disadvantage because of my own choices. This failure. 

I totally internalized. As my own lack of vision and capability to steer the company forward. The consequences of failing to adapt are so severe. They diminished my own share of the market in dentistry. For me, it triggered a crisis of confidence. I was questioning my own strategic vision, my own decision-making skills. I am determined to build your mental toughness right here. 

 If you aren't already encouraged in your own leadership.  And the next less than five minutes of this episode. You're going to have the tools to cultivate a mindset of agility and curiosity. Your goal as a generational leader. Is to stay informed  about your own industry trends and be open to experimenting with new strategies. Have an approach that will change and transform fear of the unknown into excitement for innovation. Making you a more resilient and forward-thinking leader. When you make a choice to choose to be a generational leader. You are choosing to create a culture of learning from mistakes. And an openness to what new can come your way for your business. This guarantees your organization remains competitive over time. I have been guilty  of being the person who is in competition with others to reach my next level of success. 

 That's an entirely wrong approach. First know what success looks like for you? Your team, your business, not just the fame or the money or the status. But actual quantifiable things like we want to achieve 500 employees or our goal is 50 hygiene appointments per day. Success for our team means introducing something new that helps us grow every three months.  Then look for ways to remain curious as you grow. Changes in your industry will always happen. 

The world is moving fast and you are either on the train or you have been left behind. Wishing and willing for change. Won't make it happen. Change requires action. And as a generational leader, you have got to be ready to teach this to your team, through your actions.  This legacy of adaptability and continuous learning becomes a core principle of your business.

 Here's your, TGM your that's good moment for this episode. 

Famously attributed to Albert Einstein. He once said that the most important question you could ever ask is, is the universe friendly. This question invites us to consider our own perspective on the world and our failures within it. If we view the universe as friendly, we see our failures 

as a part of a larger benevolent plan designed to guide us to where we need to be. This doesn't simplify the pain of failure, but it does encourage a hopeful outlook that each challenge is a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block. I want to ask you a question. And as soon as I ask it, I'm going to pause for just a moment. Because I want you to answer it out loud. Can you see yourself being a successful generational leader?  

 Then, so can I. And today I am telling you to see yourself as successful. Trust that every single failing moment is leading you to another moment of goodness growth, where for the sake of you and your future, and do not give up. 

Building mental toughness is about more than just personal resilience. It's about embedding these qualities into the fabric of your leadership. Ineffective leadership, not adapting to market changes and failing to meet financial goals. Or what is driving the success stories that become stories of quitting. And that someone couldn't make it. Letting our life journeys be dictated by the lack of mental toughness.

I don't say any of this out of lack of respect for those who have been impacted by suicide. 

 This episode is not meant to give any lack of compassion there. Instead, I want to help you see how you can overcome all of this. 

You can be a business owner, generational leader, and a successful human by building the strength that got you to say yes to wherever you are right now. By demonstrating how to overcome challenges, embracing, learning, and leading with empathy. You are not only solving immediate problems, but you are also preparing the next generation of leaders to face their own challenges with confidence and wisdom. 

If you or someone you love is struggling with thoughts of suicide.  Please text or call 9, 8, 8, or visit the suicide crisis. Lifeline.

Know, that I am rooting for you and your success and our future generation benefiting from exactly the leader you are meant to become. It means everything to me. I'll  catch you on the next episode.