Mentally Tough: Ethically Sound Ep: 011

Welcome back to dentistry support the podcast. I'm your host? Sarah Beth Herman. Let's get right into it.  I'm a five time 

CEO and I've been in the dental industry since I was 17 years old.  I've seen a lot. But I definitely agree. 

I have so much more to see and do, and this life that I've been gifted with. And I'm glad you're here. I have a question. Have you ever wanted to thrive? Like not just through a skill, you went to school for something you were trained in, but through the power of your own minds. The power of commitment to ethics, the power of commitment to others that just could radiate through you. 

If you could just master it. Honestly, if you're anything like me,  You are totally sick of a few scenarios. You see all the time. Small businesses or professionals getting a bad review online because there was a team member that just didn't cut it. Or an admin person that you hired, who quit for a dollar more, an hour to go work at another business down the street. Or maybe you had a new hire who just didn't even show up to work and you have no idea why. Or maybe you've been on the hunt for a perfect employee, but literally no one is cutting it. Do these kinds of things drive you crazy. This sales, you just can't close. The stuff that keeps you up at night. 

Wondering why can't I get this right. This episode. Is all about your approach in business, the way you can influence yourself and others ethically, respectfully, and with the greatest outcomes in mind.  We are going to chat. About how you handle yourself ethically. How you inspire others and I'm going to give you tools to build unshakeable mental toughness. I'm taking you from a fragility to fortitude. Setting a new standard for ourselves and these amazing leaders that will come after us. Going back to when I first started working is nothing short of cringe-worthy. Especially when I think about my own emotional intelligence and mental toughness. I was a young girl who would find a fence at just about anything, but swore up and down, I was the master of my position. 



My reputation was that I was really nice. Talked a lot and was super fun. But if you didn't like me that's because I was really good at sales. Full of myself and always doing better than everyone else. And I was also super emotional and dramatic. I'm pretty sure that was pretty spot on. If I resonate with who you were or who you are now. Keep listening, please, because it does get better for us both.  Mental toughness is like being a captain of a ship in the middle of the storm.

Imagine you are at sea and suddenly a huge storm hits. The waves are high. The wind is howling and it seems like everything is against you. In this moment. Mental toughness is your ability to stay calm. To think clearly and to keep steering your ship forward, no matter how scary or difficult it might seem. It's about not letting the fear of the waves or the noise of the storm throw you off course. Think about a day when everything seems to go wrong from the moment you wake up, you spill coffee on your shirt, you're running late. 

Then you hit every single red light on your way to work. Once you get there, you find out you have a mountain of unexpected tasks waiting for you. And this situation. Mental toughness is like taking a deep breath. Not letting the frustration take over and tackling each problem one by one without losing your cool or giving up. It's about seeing each setback, not as a disaster. But as a challenge to overcome. Keeping your eyes on what your trying to achieve for the day, despite all of these little hurdles that keep coming your way. This kind of mindset helps you navigate through the storm of a bad day and come out on the other side. Maybe you're a little bit wet, but you're still sailing forward. Before I continue talking on mental toughness. 

I have to remind you that even if you are strong in your mind right now, Even if you know, your mental toughness is strong and you just got through the worst week of your life last week.  You're not always going to have a strong mind. But everything you're going to learn today. It will stick with you so that the next time you have an opportunity to exercise mental toughness, you actually can. And if you fail at mental toughness, one time. That's okay. You're going to have a lot of new scenarios in your journey. That will give you the opportunity , to strengthen your mental toughness again. As I take myself back to my earliest days of my career. I could definitely see how I've evolved.  I went from taking offense to every little thing in my day. And making a bad 30 seconds a bad day. And a bad day into a bad week. 

Then as I progressed in my career, I went from calling any day of the week, a Monday, or relating somehow the challenges of one day as to needing a weekend because it was so bad.  Now don't get me wrong. I love a good weekend. Just as much as you.  But I'm learning to be better at how I let challenges impact my work day. 

I work week I work month. Lack of mental toughness can mean that you lose productivity drive for work. Passion for what you do every day. Let's just start with the basics of mental toughness.  And an aspect of generational leadership. I bet you haven't thought of.  Now, I'm sure you've heard of this first example. 

I'm going to give you, but probably not the second. A long time ago. I had a mentor that shared this theory with me. 

Many people have rehearsed this and taught this at leadership conventions over the years. 

The thought is that when you're hiring someone new or you're deciding if you want to hire someone new, you take them out to lunch.  This is to see how they treat the waiter. You learn a lot from a person on how they treat someone in the service industry. And if you've never worked in the service industry, You know, very little about what they go through. So as you're out to dinner or lunch with this potential new hire  and you just kind of want to see them in their own element. Answer some of these questions. Do they treat the waitress kines? Are they using manners? Are they demanding? 

Do they ignore them? Do they give them a seat at their figurative table? Do they ask them questions? Do they get to know them? Do they respect them? Do they honor them? You will learn exactly the kind of person you are about to hire. By how they treat someone in the service industry.  And now that I've even mentioned this. You are going to think about this every time you go out to eat. You're going to look at the person across from you and watch intently as they engage with someone.  Are they paying attention and giving that person the time of day. It is so important to surround yourself with people that  care about other people and not just themselves in a room. 

The second is a psychology hack. This is a great tactic for someone in sales or someone that you are mentoring that you need to have on your side for whatever reason. You need to win them over. 

You're trying to close a sale. Maybe you took over leadership of this person and you just need to win them over to make sure you've got a great team. This is probably one of the most incredible things that you're going to learn today about how we communicate with other people and how you can truly create and set the example for generational leadership and to have an overall mindset that seeks to build someone else better. When you're in a room with this person, whatever the scenario may be. 

All we know is that you're trying to win them over the details of why, who are, what are irrelevant stick with the plan.  First, you often begin introducing yourself, getting to know them. Maybe you're a people pleaser. So you're using a different tonality in your voice. This is a very common approach and people think that it stops here. Hi, how are you? 

My name is Sarah Beth. Blahblahblahblahblah. The other person answers how they are and you move on with your conversation.  If this is you and you're thinking, yeah. I've introduced myself to people a million times. Thanks for recapping. Keep listening. Please keep listening. In a sales pitch, you're already annoyed when you're rejected at the point where you've introduced yourself. But I want you to get out of your own habits, because if you are never thinking about any point past the hi, hello, my name is the weather. 

Is this today? Or the how or use.  If you've received some sort of rejection, your mental toughness goes out the window. We become defensive as people, and we feel that we've lost the game.  We've lost this connection before we were even given a chance it's natural. 

It's a human response. You're  frustrated because that person isn't automatically responding back to you. And you already in your mind gave effort by saying, Hey, my name is Sarah Beth, how are you? What's the weather like, how's your business. Thanks so much for talking to me today. Thank you for taking the time to meet with me. You feel like you've given this energy, this effort?  But really you haven't actually seen the process all the way through. And likely the way you've been interacting with people, your entire career ends at this part, you think. I'm kind. 

I'm sweet.  I am charismatic. But if I'm being honest with you and I totally am. I was also this way. How was the sweetest person you could ever meet?  Until I learned that every conversation. He needs to be more than the memorization of how to say hello. How to introduce myself. And how to talk to someone about the weather. If you want to win someone over, if you want to influence them into buying from you. And to doing business with you and to scheduling treatment. Uh, into scheduling their next appointment. 

Into following your leadership. Doing what you want them to do. You've got to learn to have a mental toughness beyond yourself. And a generation, a leadership style that really does allow the other person to know that you  care. And just because you asked them how they are, what their name is, what the weather's like, or thank them for showing up to whatever appointment you're at. That doesn't mean you actually care. So here's what you're going to do. 

That's going to change everything. You're going to ask them how they are. And then you're going to ask them a question about themselves. We're going to let them talk to you about something. And if they aren't giving you a something that you can respond to that I want you to keep talking and asking questions of them until you get something from them. Once you get that something, whatever it is that is beyond the hi. 

How are you? What's your name? Thank you for showing up. What's the weather like your business is so cool. Once you've gotten beyond those basics.  You're going to ask a followup question about whatever they shared with you. A true followup question. Not. Tell me more about that. You're going to get a true follow-up. For example, I was out to eat the other night with my husband and my sister. We were talking to the waitress.  She was sharing with us a little bit about the fact that she was in school. 

I wanted to know more. So I asked her questions, like, what was her major? Then I asked her where she's from. We got to find out that she was from the same town or geographic area that I was born in. We ended up realizing that she graduated from a high school that was literally miles from the high school I graduated from. 

And we're 2000 miles away from wherever that was so. You really want to get to know them, figure things out about that person. Your follow up question. Isn't just to ask a blank question. It's to actually gift them. The opportunity to speak.. Right now you're learning to give someone else the mic. Because no matter how good you are, no matter how charismatic you may be, the only way you will get a lasting impression on someone, which is what the goal is right here. Is to learn to give to the other person. With a dopamine hit. Now the moment someone asks you to share information about something you just said to them. Unbeknownst to them, they just gave you the mic. You got a dopamine hit. And psychologically, they just built a connection with you. You now are going to learn to do the same thing. You are going to gift the other person, the opportunity to get a dopamine hit. Let me give you an example of this. Have you ever met someone and you were like, man, I don't know what it is about that guy, that girl, that person, they just have it. 

They are so awesome.  I don't know how to explain it, but they just totally have it. I want to be around them. I like them. I don't know what it is about them, but they are just so amazing. You're saying that. Because when that person interacted with you. They gifted you a dopamine hit. And people love to talk about themselves. 

They love an opportunity to share with you.  Even if you meet. The shyest person in the world. When you express genuine interest. And you give someone that opportunity to speak reciprocally to you. It changes everything. You don't even realize that they did it. You don't realize that someone offered that to you and they won't realize that you did it to them. 

You might be thinking right now. How on earth does this have anything to do with ethics? Leadership. Or how I'm going to get a new hire. How does this have anything to do with mental toughness? How does this have to do with generational leadership? Right now what you're doing. Is you're going back to the basics of general human interaction care and compassion for others. You're showing and demonstrating who you are. And why  leadership is important for future generations. You're showing that despite how annoying someone might be. Despite who you are as a person and how talented you may be. You still care more about the other person and what they're interested in in that moment? You allow the other person, a pedestal. You gift them the chance to be heard by you in an area that has nothing to do with your agenda. But it absolutely shows them. 

You are a real live person who actually cares. They automatically feel they need to do something for you. Or give something back to you. It's like when you're walking through the mall. And there are the guys or girls that have lotion or a skincare line or whatever, and you're walking past them. And they're trying to put lotion in your hand. 

The second you take that lotion and you rub it into your hands, they've given you something for free. Subconsciously you feel obligated to stop, talk and give them something back. Purchase from them is what they're hoping we're doing the same thing, but we are  choosing to care about people. We're not slamming something in their hands. We're letting them build a connection with us. That's the difference. When you want to close a sale, hire someone new, get a team member to work with you. 

You've got to show them you are a real person. You've got to get their walls down so you can allow yourself to see them fully, not just what you want them to do for you by from you be as a result of you. I follow you in. Looking back on who I was any time in an age under the age of 25. I definitely had not grasped this. 

I was too full of my own world where I just loved talking. I mean, I guess who am I kidding? I still love talking, but when I get the privilege to be on like really on. I am sure to incorporate knowing the other person it's important to me, it's an element of mental toughness to hold back your own jibber, Jabber, and the love of talking. 

You have. To seek to gift the other person, the dopamine hit. They will never forget you. Whenever I'm teaching something in leadership. I'm speaking to a crowd. I'm at a convention. Where I have an opportunity to stand on a platform and speak. I love to make something a three-part something like an aspect of a three legged stool. I believe in threes, we grasp things. You can remember one thing or two things. But to group three parts makes it memorable. I also think it's  hard to go beyond three things when teaching. 

So I try to limit that as much as possible. Unless I really need to expand beyond it. 

Let's talk about the three pillars of leadership. First pillar is integrity and action. The second pillar is respect for all. And the third pillar is responsibility and accountability. When you think about being a generational leader and how others perceive you as a leader? These three legs of the stool matter without even one, the stool is useless. 

It will topple over and there will be no stability. 

Uh, 

integrity and action. When your team is watching you, you have no idea what they see about you. When you choose to uphold your values and doing the right thing, even when it's hard or uncomfortable, you're showing your team how it's possible to be that person. So I'm going to give you an example. This week, I was presented by a very large company to have a partnership.  With my dental business, they wanted to give me a rev share of a portion of their business. To send them business.

It was a huge opportunity, quite a bit of money. Another stream of income for my organization. Quite literally, it was actually a huge opportunity. Uh, in order for them to even get a call with me, they had to meet with several of my C-suite members. And finally, my team members were like, Sarah, Beth, you've got to go talk to them. 

They're awesome. Whatever. So whenever I get ready to talk to a company about doing a collaboration with them. I have to know everything about that company. I hold nothing back. I'm not here to just make money. I'm not here to get a quick, easy paycheck. Because I referred business that I readily have at my fingertips. What I am here to do is to make dentistry and small businesses better as a result of my actions. I'm here to actually make the industry as a whole, a better place for the future generations of what this business will be like. This is ethics at its finest. I met with this company for 30 minutes. During that 30 minutes, I explained to them what collaboration meant to me. I never once asked them how much money they were going to give me. Or what money they were going to make. I instead wanted to share with them all of the ways that if they do business with me, And they want me to refer to them that. I need them to understand. I needed them to grasp the capacity that we are going to operate in mutually.  For one, they need to be willing to do public collaboration events with me on social media podcasts, retraining. They need to be part of my network and the community that I have built in the dental industry show their face, demonstrate their willingness to be for the dental community, not just make money from it. 

I gave them all of these different metrics that we would keep track of. I wanted to know exactly how this partnership would work far beyond. Whatever they were looking for. Uh, far beyond whatever money they were hoping to make. 



By the time we got done with this call, they seemed flabbergasted. Very discombobulated. 

I guess you could say. They didn't really know what they were going to do or how this was going to work. They needed to get me on the phone with another one of their C-suite team members to address all of these different questions I had. They asked when I was available next, I scheduled it for two days later.  We had another 30 minute call scheduled. 

I get on the call and explain the same things. Exactly what I talked about in the very first call. I was a little bit frustrated because I had already spent so much time talking to them and they should have taken notes and been able to explain all of this. They knew everything that I had said. They were wanting me to recap all of that. 

Now mind you, this partnership would have resulted in my company, profiting six figures a year, just from partnering with them. That is a massive dollar amount to add onto any business. I'm sure if it was your company, you would have said, oh my gosh, six figures. I don't care what this company does. If they collaborate with me. Cool. 

If they don't cool. I just want the extra six figures to add to my revenue. 

Well first I didn't build dentistry support to be that way. Second. That's not ethics. That is taking advantage of an industry because you have a quick way to make money. That's not longterm sustainable, in my opinion. And unless you know everything about the businesses that you're about to do business with. You're taking a risk that could shut your doors down. I am a trusted ally in the dental industry. I need to uphold that. The future of dentistry depends on that. 

And yes, that's putting a lot on my shoulders. I am totally fine with that. And that's exactly what I signed up for. This meeting came to a halt 11 minutes in. Because this C-suite team member tried to strong arm me and make me think that it was a bad idea for us to collaborate for many reasons. He made a statement that really gave me the check about him when he said, when he said, well, we've never had an opportunity where we've ever referred business back to someone that referred business to us. Well in my mind, I'm like, okay, well then you're not trusted in your community. I am building a network of dental professionals. 

I'm building a network of ethically ran businesses who are for the dental industry. And unless every single person who works with me is on the same page. I can not do business with them. There is no amount of money that you can pay me to change my mind. The future generations of business. I depend on ethically ran businesses. And do not need to be sold on dollars over people. 

Let's get back to the three legged stool. 

The second leg of this three legged stool is respect for everyone. Treating patients, colleagues and yourself with dignity and understanding. Handling stressful interactions with patients or coworkers by maintaining composure and empathy. Viewing these moments as chances to strengthen interpersonal skills, that's a leg of leadership. 

That's always got to be held up. If you want to know how to do this, remember to gift someone, the dopamine hit. That psychology hack that we just talked about. There you go. That's how you can start with respect for everyone. 

And then the third leg. Responsibility and accountability. Own up to mistakes you make. 

Strive for excellence and every task, regardless of what size it is. Take full responsibility for your part in misunderstandings and errors and use them as experiences to improve your life, your interactions, your leadership. Those future generations. I keep talking about. When I was on the call with that C-suite team member for that second call with that amazing partnership. That they really wanted me to sign the dotted line on. I just wanted them to understand that they needed to be the ones to answer my question of why should I do business with you?  My goal was for them to see clearly. That my business was the opportunity of a lifetime to be a part of because of the way we care for others and the future of this industry. I needed to know way more about their business and what they've done in the past. 

So I could know if it was going to be a good fit for my organization. Yeah. The dollars look really nice. But the dollars, aren't everything. This applies in everything we do. If you are sitting in an interview and someone asks you, why should I hire you? You should say. Well, I'm not sure you should. I need to know a little bit more about the person you had in this role first. If you have a client and they say, why should I do business with you? Well, I'm not sure you should. I need to know a little bit more about this area of your business first. I need to know what you expect in this area. First. Who have you had doing this before? Me? You need to learn to disarm the other person and not allow them to make it so intense for you. Put it back on them. Don't let them put you in a corner and make you feel pressured into doing anything. Because your first and foremost goal is to have mental toughness. I operate ethically and then be a generational leader. 

It doesn't have to be in that order, but those are the three things you've got to do. Your TGM moment today.  Mental toughness. As a resilience to face and overcome challenges in any business? There are so many pressures from customers, patient interactions.  Patient care to administrative duties and just making sure that everything's done from every single aspect. If you want to know the examples of what it looks like to lack mental toughness. 

That would be giving up easily. Feeling the urge to quit when you're faced with criticism or challenges. That can lead to miss opportunities for growth. Learning to avoid responsibility. Not owning up to mistakes. That leads to a culture of blame and stagnation. 

Emotional reactivity is something we got to talk about. It's allowing your emotions to control your actions. This can change everything and your professional relationships and your own personal health. 

I want you to work on a few techniques for managing your emotions and reactions. Want you to learn, to have a calm and professional approach to challenges? I want you to start goal setting and having a positive visualization process.  Focus on long-term goals and visualizing your own success to stay motivated. I want you to seek feedback and have continuous learning. I want you to embrace constructive criticism. 

I want you to consistently seek ways to improve yourself. Professionally and personally. This last week, I had one of the hardest weeks in business in a really long time. I'm going to save the details of that story for a future episode. I'm still working through it. 

 Maybe that's your reminder. That you can still be working through things too. I want to leave you with one last thing today. In business and in leadership. You are going to learn to make choices that will go against the grain. This week, I was given a chance to increase our revenue by six figures annually. And I didn't take it. Because I know the impact, my role has, especially as it pertains to the future of my industry.  It's a heaviness on my shoulders that I gladly accept. One that I absolutely put there myself and no. There is no one banging down my door, making sure I keep all of that on my shoulders. I'm doing it. Because I live, eat and breathe leadership. And creating future generations that can be even more successful than me. Is the best legacy I could ever leave. I will make mistakes. 

I will never make everyone happy. Not everyone in the world is going to want to do business with me. In fact people will listen to this very podcast episode and say, I am not qualified to talk on here. 

I'm going to disappoint people. I'm going to screw a lot of things up and make mistakes all the time. But I am going to forge ahead. Mental toughness means that you will face tough times.  You will have criticism knock on your door. That has no business being there. 

But every time you face that. 

You continue to move forward without losing your moral compass. Even when shortcuts live really appetizing. 

Mental toughness, generational leadership. It's about how we handle getting someone's. Buy-in. How we would prioritize, maintaining who we were always designed to be. As you lead this week. I want you to remember that. It's not about dictating or controlling every step of the way. And it's okay to make mistakes. 

It's okay to have a bad five minutes or even a bad day. But it doesn't have to throw you off course. Life comes in waves and we've got seasons upon seasons ahead of us. This path of generational leadership is about inspiring those around you so that they can believe in something greater. So they can see a vision beyond what they can see in front of them. So they can see you care about them. 

Something super cool that I want you to know about. Is without even knowing it. You're giving someone else hope today. They're watching you. They're learning from you, they're listening to you and you don't even know it. Every time you handle life and business, all these highs and lows that come your way, someone's cheering you on. 

They are inspired to move forward because of you. 

 I I think now with what you learned today. You are equipped to thrive in ways you never knew you could. You've got the ability to control your mental toughness. Choose your follow through. Choose the legacy that you want to leave behind. And this is where I'm most proud of you. I'll catch you.

on  the next episode.